


All is fair... (but this is not love, it's war)

by ExcellentlyEllen



Series: Love... but mostly war [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: BFF's, Bus, Facing the facts, Father/Daughter Relationship, Hate/Love relationship, Mourning, Reluctant Love, Who's the badass now, mentions of Tripp, playground, quake - Freeform, you're not my father
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-03-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 07:06:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3165857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExcellentlyEllen/pseuds/ExcellentlyEllen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The definition of insanity, is doing something over and over and expecting different results."</p><p> </p><p>The team is adapting to the new dynamic. They have no idea what Raina and Cal are up to, since the fall of the city. Meanwhile the search for Ward has finally paid off, and there's a new team member to be added. So how wil they cope, with Ward being back in custody, Skye's new powers and all the other changes around them...</p><p>Set about 5 months after the events of 2x10: What they become (may contain spoilers up until then - AU afterwards)</p><p>Multiple POV's</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Now That's A One-Two Punch... To The Face

**Author's Note:**

> This is something that's been swimming in my head for a few days. And i've got so many other stories to finish... But when it gets stuck...
> 
> Please, read and review, and let me know if it's worth making more chapters of!

The slow, steady sounds of fists hitting the punching bag should have been warning enough. Because she never trains unless she _has_ to, and if she would, she wouldn’t choose the punching bag. No, when she’s punching, that’s when he knows something is up. And right at this moment, that can only mean one thing. _Ward_. He wishes it wasn’t so hard on her. He wishes she wasn’t so hard on herself, but there’s nothing he can do about either. He can see it in her eyes still, even though she tries to be angry and hateful when she talks about him. He can see that she still loves him, still hopes for him. He can also see the guilt she carries around because of that love. He wants to make it easier for her, make her pain go away, protect her from it all. But matters of the heart, they don’t just go away.

“What did that bag ever do to you?” he asks her, stepping into her eyesight. She pauses, rolls her shoulders and for a moment he thinks she’s going to answer him. But she’s not. She lands another one-two punch to the bag, and again. He knew she wouldn’t answer, but he hoped anyway. It’s like Einstein said: _‘The definition of insanity is doing something over and over, expecting different results._ If trying to talk to her when she's like this, makes him insane, then so be it. He won’t ever stop. And even though it stings (really, it feels like one of those punches to the face), that she won’t even look at him right now; he knows she’ll come to him when she’s ready. She always does. All she needs is some alone time, to cool off. And he’s got a team to brief.

* * *

 

It took her 30 minutes of yoga to stop the shaking. Even though she had a handle on her powers (really, she does...mostly), things could get a little shaky when she was feeling particularly emotional. And if there was one thing Ward was able to do, it was make her emotional. She’d gone from loving him to fearing him to hating him to shooting him, and she still can't get him the hell out of her mind. He’d snuck past her defenses, the ones she’d so carefully constructed over the years. And then he betrayed them. He betrayed _her_. And all she can dream about now, are his lips on hers, his hands in her hair, and the 4 bullets she put in his chest.

It’s hard, to look Fitz in the eyes. She feels like a traitor herself, still loving a man who tried to kill her best friends. Who hurt one of them. He broke Fitz, and he’ll never be the same again. Loyal, trustworthy Fitz, who had believed in Ward up until the box had hit the water. And maybe even after that.

She needs to stop, needs to not love him. She wants so desperately to hate him, to curse him, to kill him. But she can’t. There’s a many great thing Skye can do, but she cannot stop loving the man who broke her heart. And she hates herself for it. Her friends would hate her for it, if they knew. She’s got nobody to talk to anymore. Tripp would have listened, but he’s gone now. Also her fault. So she keeps it bottled inside. Until she erupts. Hence, the yoga.

And now, they’re bringing him back in. They found him, and they’re going to bring him back to the Playground. And he will be too close to her. Too close to everybody she cared about. And she’s not even allowed to go on the mission.

The walls start shaking again, _so much for that damn time spent trying to relax_. She sighs and stands, picking up her gloves and starts punching the bag in front of her. Punching to control herself beats yoga any time, anyway. Pun intended.

She doesn’t stop. Not even when Coulson walks in. She’s to pissed off. At him, at herself, at Ward and at the world in general. Because after all she’s been through, doesn’t the world owe her _something_?

* * *

 

They’re gone for about 4 hours when she bursts into his office. He doesn’t comment on that, because that might stop her from talking to him. He simply looks up from the documents he’s reading and sees her drop onto his couch. She’s not in the middle of it, and the fact that she’s leaving room for him leaves him hopeful. He closes the file and moves over to her, dropping down on the couch as well, letting out a small sigh of relief when he puts his leg up on the coffee table. His healing hasn’t been as fast as he would have wanted, but he’s lucky to be alive. Being trapped in a tunnel with tons of rock and earth falling down around you does not often end in tibia and fibula fractures. At least not _only_ that.

“Why am I still here?” she suddenly breaks their silence. The question could be answered in so many ways, given the recent events; but he knows she’s not being philosophical at the moment. “Because… because last time you saw him, you shot him. 4 times. In the back.” He pretends he doesn’t see the glare she’s trying to murder him with. “And we need him. Alive.” She snorts at that. _They_ need _him? They’ve been doing pretty well without him so far!_ “I didn’t shoot him in the back, technically. And also, _who cares_?! He’s a murderer. A traitor. A liar! And we don’t _need_ his help. I don’t need his help. I’ll find Raina on my own if I have to.”

She gets up from his sofa and starts pacing. “I’ll find them _both_ without his help, I don’t want it.” Her voice cracks at the end, leading him to believe she’s not really talking about Ward’s help anymore. He gets up and wraps his arms around her. She struggles for a moment, but eventually gives in, needing the comfort more than she needs the rant.

“You care, Skye. You’ve always cared. So that’s why you are still here, because I don’t want you near him. Not for his safety, but for yours. You don’t need to be in more pain than you already are, and he won’t be in any position to cause you more. I promise.” He knows it’s not a promise he can really keep, and he knows she knows it too, but the sentiment is the same. He wants to protect her, from it all. And even if he can’t, his word is all she really needs.

“Thanks, AC. And, I’m sorry, for ignoring you earlier. I was just - ” she starts to say, but he cuts her off. “You were just mad. And I get it. Just, don’t do it when May can see it, and we’re fine.” She manages a smile at that. “I’m gonna go outside, play with the dirt some more.” She says it with contempt in her voice, but he can see the excitement in her eyes. No matter how great the cost was, to their team, to her personally, her powers make her feel worthy to be on the team. Make her feel powerful and strong, even though she always was. It took her a while to feel that way about them though, the loss of Tripp weighing heavy on her conscience. But a talk with a certain doctor, who knows a great deal about controlling powers, helped her through it. That and training, learning to control the power and not let it control her.

“Sure. Just… Try not to cause another avalanche, will you? The last time it took us 3 days to clear the hanger bay.” She smiles at him and walks out of his office, and he tries not to look after her for too long. He’s been told it’s creepy.

* * *

 

The call comes in just around 5 PM that evening. Package aboard, team inbound, ETA 7 PM local time. He lets out another heavy sigh, and the uncomfortable feeling in his chest grows a little. It seemed to easy, after 5 months of chasing their tails. He knows, they didn’t find him. He let them find him. And now all Coulson can do is wait and see why. That’s not something he’s very comfortable with.

 


	2. It Makes A Big Bang (But It Aint Fireworks)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agent Didi needs an exfil. Protocol D79 asks for a body and a hacker. With Ward being brought in, what better way to keep them separated...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though this chapter is a set-up for the rest of the story, it does introduce a new character that's going to be important for both Grant and Skye and SHIELD as a whole... I hope you all still like it...

SECURE SHIELD NETWORK – INCOMMING MESSAGE

_Intel was valid. 4 covert HYDRA safe houses raided. 26 in Army custody. Troop being shipped to Afghanistan. Need exfil ASAP._

SECURE SHIELD NETWORK - OUTGOING MESSAGE

_Exfil instructions at drop site. Protocol Delta-Seven-Niner._

* * *

 

“Where do you want us to put him?” May asked the director when she walked off the plane. Ward’s unconscious body on a gurney behind her. Given what he can do with ‘not even an inch’, they figured it was best to just knock him out before bringing him in the facility. Who knows what his real intentions were, when he let himself get caught.

 

_24 hours earlier_

_“We found him. He’s in Houston.” Sam said, his attention still very much focused on the screen in front of him. “He just popped up on the radar, out of nowhere. It’s like, he’s suddenly not even trying anymore.”_

_Coulson let out a sigh. “That’s because he isn’t. There’s no way he gets sloppy now, he’s got the talent and the resources to disappear forever if he wants to. Even the contingencies to his contingencies have contingencies. If we can track him now, he wants to be found. I just don’t know what his game is.”_

_It’s a dilemma he’s facing. If he sends his team in to retrieve Ward, he could leave the Playground vulnerable to attack; if that’s Ward’s play. If he sends in a team and it turns out he’s springing a trap, he could lose valuable members of the organization. Not to mention friends. But if he doesn’t attempt to catch Ward, he’ll be losing intel on HYDRA; and what he needs now, more than ever, is to know what the ‘other team’ is planning._

_He drops down into a chair and scrubs his hand over his head. The pain of being director and not just an agent, is that the final decision falls in your lap. You can have people assessing risks until they’re blue in the face, but in the end, it’s him that choses. It’s something he’s still not comfortable with, and when he’s being put in a place where he has to make these kinds of decisions, he resents Fury just a little bit more._ I’ll be off tracking HYDRA in Europe _, he said._ You can be Director. It’ll be fun, _he said. If this is Fury’s idea of ‘fun’, he ought to buy the man a new dictionary for his birthday next time._

_“We can send in a small team. 3 of us. That’s enough to scout the surroundings, make sure it’s not a trap. If we use ICERs we can subdue him without casualties, and the new rifle Fitz and Mack designed can shoot from at least a 1000 yards. We’ll plant 2 agents around him, have one of us fire the rifle from a distance. Easy in, easy out. But put the Playground in attack-mode, just to be sure.” Coulson looked up to find May standing before him. He can always count on her to make the logical decisions. When he’s getting clouded by emotions, she gets the job done. If he has to be director of SHIELD, he sure is glad she’s his second in command. He stands. “Alright people, you all heard agent May, let’s go bag us a traitor.”_

“Just put him in the box, for now. We’ll question him when he’s awake. If the answers he gives us are not satisfactory, we can always just drop him on HYDRA’s doorstep, I hear the bounty on his head has tripled over the last few weeks. It might be nice to get some pocket-change out of him. When you’re done, meet me in my office, we’ve got something to discuss.” May nods and motions the agents forward. It was no fun, capturing him. He didn’t even put up a fight. He just sat quietly, let them shoot him and shuffle him off. Even if he _wanted_ to be captured, she had figured he’d play along and at least make it a little hard on them, God knows Melinda likes a good chase-and-fight.

His behavior is strange, and strange means unpredictable. And if there is one thing Melinda May has no love for, it’s unpredictability. It makes for bad plans and failed missions. But he’s here now, so there’s nothing she can do. Yet.

* * *

 

Phil is behind his desk when she enters his office. “Everything go okay?” he asks her, without looking up. His tone is casual, and she knows this is not an official debriefing. She moves over to the chair opposite his and sits down. “He didn’t even put up a fight. It makes me highly suspicious, and honestly a little on edge. How did it go here?” Phil looks up at her now, hearing the slight note of worry in her voice. She asked ‘how did it go here’ but what she really meant was ‘how’s Skye’. He sighs again, like he’s been doing so much lately. “She had a major tantrum, but luckily no permanent damage to our infrastructure. I don’t think the yoga’s helping her much though. She prefers to punch something to find her center. It’s hard on her, even though she doesn’t say it. Maybe we should call Bruce back in, he helped her before.”

They look at each other for a moment, before May shrugs. “It could help, but somehow I don’t think her powers are the problem here at the moment. She’s a young girl who got her heart broken in the worst way. Not only did he lie to us all, he also played her feelings. Not to mention that he tried to kill most of her team. And you know Skye considers us her family.” She pauses for a moment. “Until we know what he’s up to, I don’t think we should let her near him. That could only end in disaster.” Coulson nods, because May’s right. The powers aren’t the problem, it’s her heart and no matter how much he wants to, he can’t heal that for her.

“You’re right, we should keep her away. I’ve got the perfect mission for her, actually. We received a message on the secure line. One of our agents requested an exfil, because her cover-team is being sent to Afghanistan. She’s of no use to us there, so she’s coming back in. I’ve instructed her to use extraction protocol D79, so we need a body and a hacker.”

* * *

 

It’s not easy as they make it look on TV, to fake your own death. If there’s something off about the forensics, they start digging, and that makes things messy. Before SHIELD fell, they could just swoop in and halt an investigation, but now everything has to be perfect. A fire is the best way to go, when you want as little evidence as possible. That gives you a few options. Protocol D79 asks for a car crash, burnt out car and as little remains as possible. The key ingredients for a project like this are a car (obviously) and a body matching your physical description as closely as possible. And a skilled hacker to alter the DNA of her military records to the body they put in the car.

Luckily, there’s a pretty deep ravine on the way from the base to her housing unit, with one of those horrible curvy roads right beside it. She’d already gone over a couple of times, and that was without any problems to her car. Also, she made sure to tell her fellow troop members about those incidents. You can never be too careful, even if that opened the door to a whole bunch of ‘woman driving’ jokes.

That night, Didi packs her duffle, like she would if she really planned on going to Afghanistan. She made arrangements with neighbors to keep an eye out, like every other GI would do, before leaving for a long term mission. She makes sure she leaves some identifying things in the car, things she’s been seen with around base, or has bragged about. Like the dashboard bobble-head of Dodgers legend Jackie Robinson. Or the platinum chain with the ‘DD’ hanger, hanging from the rearview mirror. A few changes of clothing, because that’s what the boys expect of her, and 7 pairs of shoes in the trunk. If Didi’s honest with herself, those are probably the things she’s going to miss the most. It’s not because she’s a specialist, she can’t have a healthy love of shoes.

She meets agent May (and has to hold in a little yelp, because that’s _the cavalry_ that’s helping her fake her death) at the start of the road, leading past the ravine. Didi drives the car at the maximum allowed speed towards the section of road that’s she’s supposed to crash on, and hits the brakes, making sure to leave skid marks on the pavement. They already broke the guardrails and Didi makes sure there’s paint transfer from her car to the broken pieces. She also smashes her headlight, for good measure. The pin that’s supposedly punctured her tire is in place, and she and May make sure there are tracks a little ways into the ravine. _This faking your death thing really is all about the details._

Finally they are ready for the ‘crash’. They put the body of the Jane Doe behind the wheel and strap her in. Didi thinks she looks better in her uniform, but then again, she’s still alive so… The car gets hoisted up with the jet, towards the height Fitz calculated would make the correct speed for the drop, and then released. And that’s the dramatic end of Corporal Deirdre ‘Didi’ Davies.

* * *

 

**LA Times – Online News Update – Friday May 22 nd 2015**

**DECORATED ARMY OFFICER DIES IN CAR CRASH, HOURS BEFORE SHIPPING TO AFGHANISTAN  
** Corporal Deirdre ‘Didi’ Davies, age 28 was found by passing traffic early this morning. Her car went through the guardrail and came to a standstill 150 yards below the road, before catching fire. While the DNA testing is not yet done, all signs suggest it was Cpl Davies in the car. Members of her squad have already been notified, seeing as Cpl Davies had no living relatives. When the identity of the body inside the car is established, Cpl Davies will get a full military funeral. Close friends and neighbors can’t believe they won’t ever see Cpl Davies again, saying that she was always so full of life and optimism. Even the upcoming tour didn’t faze her. She will be greatly missed by all.

* * *

 

“It’s a nice article, I’m just saying they could have said more about my awesome personality and my extreme good looks. I don’t do these daily crunches just for kicks you know.” Didi says laughingly, on the way back towards the LA safe house. She sobers up quickly though, when she rereads the part about her squad. “I’m just sorry I don’t get to back them up out there. Real corporal or not, they could have used another pair of eyes.”

May steals a glance at her passenger. “They won’t be shipped out immediately. I’m sure the higher ups will allow them to pay their respects at your funeral. But you’re right, they could use you in their fight, and it’s an important one. But ours is too, and we need you more.” Didi nods, but stays silent for the rest of the trip.

She likes Skye the moment she sees her. She looks like fun, even though there’s a sadness in her eyes Didi can’t really place. “So you’re the dead corporal?” the younger girl asks her, while looking her over. Didi can’t help but feel a little exposed, given the intensity with which Skye is looking at her. “Uh, yeah. Except Deirdre Davies is gone now. I’m agent Carol Deirdre Danvers, but you can call me Didi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an end note, I'd like to point out that I'm from Belgium... We don't have a comic book culture like the States have, and we don't even have easy access to the comic worlds of Marvel and DC. 
> 
> So, I just googled 'awesome female marvel heroines' and Captain (Ms) Marvel was the one I liked for this story. I chose Carol based on this article: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2013/10/5_marvel_heroines_who_might_star_in_their_own_movi.php
> 
> She probably won't be like the Carol of the comics... so, don't hate me..


	3. There's No Place Like An Underground Base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skye is left wondering about their newest team member, and her trust issues. Good thing Jemma knows the solution.  
> Meanwhile Didi reconnects with old friends and old enemies...
> 
> But what about the gigant elephant in the room? Or you know, Grant Ward in interrogation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much action yet, but I promise it will contain some kicking butt and taking names. I just want to build up the story properly...
> 
> This started as a true 'Skyeward' fic, but by now it feels more like an ensemble fic to me... That doesn't mean there won't be some Skye/Ward interaction, so don't get your panties in a twist... 
> 
> I really hope you'll all like this chapter, and if you do (or don't) please leave me a comment below, it would mean the world to me.

Grant Ward has spent much time in an interrogation room, on both sides of the table. So he knows all the tactics. Making the room too cold or too hot, have a bulb flicker slightly, pump in annoying sounds,… . All of these, and several more, he’s familiar with. So it doesn’t faze him, at all. He just sits there, hands cuffed to the chair, and waits. He figures it’s been about 8 hours since he woke up in the box, but he can only guestimate how long he’d been out. Given the minor side effects he’s experiencing, (dry mouth, slight throbbing behind his eyes and itching) he deduces they used some derivative of the ICER dendrotoxin, most likely in gas form. If it has the same strength as the guns do, he could have been out anywhere from 2 to 6 hours. So, he’s been in this room for at least 10 hours. He’s done worse, probably to better people.

Well, there’s no ‘probably’ about that. Some of the people he’s ‘interrogated’ were most definitely better people. Hell, every last one of them was better than he is. He knows this, and he’s made peace with it. He was a weapon, an instrument, used in a fight he really had no personal stakes in. Until Skye showed up. And he started to think about the things he did. He doesn’t like hurting others, takes no pleasure out of it. No matter what Skye thinks, he’s not a serial killer. Because that term implies that he kills for the sake of killing, takes joy out of other people’s pain. He doesn’t, he just gets the job done. Or, he did, back when Garret was still around.

Ward won’t blame Garret or HYDRA or even Christian for his actions anymore. Yes, they all had their personal agendas, and they all used him to execute their plans. But he chose his own personal welfare above that of others. He could have taken the punishment for disobeying, but instead he followed instructions for his own benefit. That makes him culpable for the actions he took. He sees that now. He knows he’s made the wrong choice, over and over again. So, he decided that it was about time he took charge of his own life, and made better decisions for himself. Skye made him see that blindly following, does not make you any less responsible. And if he wants to clear the red in his ledger, he’s got to start somewhere. And what better place to start, than with yourself?

He knows that they won’t believe him. He’s not even sure he would, if he was in their place. After all, what he did was not a small thing. In a team that’s as close as they are, betrayal is a mortal sin. The only thing he can do, is hope they see that he’s changed. That he’s got his own moral code now, and that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to protect those who need it. After the things he’s seen over the last 5 months, he’s absolutely sure there’s only 1 right side in this. And they’re going to need all the help they can get.

* * *

 

“So this is the Playground?” Didi asks, when she steps off the Bus. She’s looking around with great interest, until she spots a familiar form in the far end of the hangar. “Oh my god. Is that…” she mumbles to herself, before shouting across the room “MACK! Yo MACK! WHAT’S A GIRL GOTTA DO TO GET A PROPER WELCOME HERE?”

The man is so startled by the yelling, he smacks his head on the car hood he’s currently working under. There’s only one person in the world he knows, that would chose to yell instead of just walking over. He’s pretty sure it’s because of two things. One, she’s got no filter, at all; and two, she’s got no interest and patience in proper social interaction. Over the years he’s known her, he often wondered how it was she was such a great undercover agent. She must be one hell of an actress.

He drapes the oil stained rag he was holding over the car and starts walking towards her. About 3 feet away from her, he stops and just takes her in. She’s always been a beauty. Her blonde hair’s shorter than he remembers her keeping it, but that might be because of her assignment. It falls in loose waves along her face, and slightly brushes her shoulders. Her blue eyes sparkle with barely contained glee, and he can see her lips form her trademark smile.

When he doesn’t move closer, she bridges the gap between them, and practically jumps in his arms to hug him. Like he knew she would, she’s always been the hugging type. He hugs her back, just as fiercely. It’s been a while since he’s last seen her, after all. “Now that’s more like it.” She says happily, after he puts her back down. He smiles. “If it isn’t the illustrious agent Carol Danvers. What have you been up to? Money making, hearts a-breaking, lives a-taking?” He winks at her and moves to pick up her bags. Not that she needs him to, but his mother raised him to be a gentleman, and he’s never one to disappoint his mother.

“Well, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad, friend. But it sure is good to be back around friendly faces. So, how about you show me where I can dump my stuff and fill me in on all the exciting gossip around here?” She links her arm through his, and lets him lead her toward the back of the hangar, and the entrance to the main building.

* * *

 

Skye doesn’t quite know what to make of their newest addition to the Playground. Didi seems friendly enough, but Skye’s judgment has been proven flakey at best. All she really knows about the other woman, is that she’s been a deep cover operative since she graduated from SHIELD academy at 20. And that she’s good friends with Mack, apparently.

She wonders what it’s like, constantly having to be somebody you’re not. What toll it takes to lie every day. Do you really form bonds, or is that all just an act. Those are the questions she’s been struggling with, ever since Ward turned out to be a mole. How much of it was real, and how much was a lie. And if there were parts that were real, does that make it harder, or easier?

Picking up her own bags, she follows Mack and Didi inside. If she’s lucky, Jemma’s not too busy with her sciency stuff, and they can hang out a little. It’s been forever since she and Jemma spent some time together. Maybe Fitz will want to come as well, since the awkwardness between him and Jemma seems to have dissipated a little over the past months. She just needs something to keep her busy, so her mind doesn’t wander to a certain interrogation room.

“Skye, you’re back! How’d it go?” Jemma practically jumps her when she walks into the lab. She was wearing her new labcoat, the one Skye’d given her for her birthday a little while ago. Her brown hair up in a ponytail and her eyes hidden behind magnifying specs. Jemma’s own undercover field mission had left her with a great desire to become more than just a ‘lab rat’; and every time Skye came back she wanted to hear all about it. She’d even started training with May and Skye, you know, just in case they needed her again. If Jemma had her way, in no time at all, she’d be the perfect Sci-ops/Spec-ops hybrid. Well… it might take her _some_ time, but still…

“How about I tell you all about it, over some tequila and some sort of deep fried goodness?” Skye asks her, knowing that Jemma wouldn’t ever say ‘no’ to that. The other woman is quick to discard her coat and glasses, before following Skye towards the kitchen.

* * *

 

“I don’t know. She seems nice, trustworthy. And if Coulson didn’t feel that way about her, he would have never let her into the base. So I guess she’s okay? God, Jemma. I hate this. I hate that I feel like I can’t trust my own instincts about this anymore.” Skye drops her head on her friend’s shoulder en lets out a big sigh. It’s ridiculous really, she’s gotten so much stronger over the past months. Both physical and with her powers. But when it comes to trust, it’s so much harder.

“There, there, it’ll be alright. You’ll see.” Jemma tries to comfort her friend as best as she can, but it’s hard for her. She’s lived a very protected life, with parents who gave her the support and the space to find her own path. They’ve always trusted her to do the right thing, and Jemma in turn trusts them to love and protect her. This kind of upbringing does not a suspicious person make, and Jemma’s always had a trusting nature.

The only time her trust really got broken in a spectacular way, was when Ward revealed himself to be HYDRA. Before that, she’d trusted him with her life. And she felt like he’d earned it, jumping out of a plane without a parachute. She often wonders why he did such a thing, if he would try to kill her anyway. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just let her fall?

She knows Skye finds it hard to talk to her about Ward. Because she loves him still, even though she’s trying very hard not to. Jemma doesn’t blame her for that, she knows from experience that it’s not just a switch you flip. But she doesn’t bring it up either, not wanting to cause her friend more pain by talking about the elephant in the interrogation room.

“Hey, I saw Sam sneak away a container of whipped cream earlier. You want to make hot chocolate?” Jemma asks Skye, because hot chocolate always makes her feel better, and it could help for Skye as well. And well, Skye never says ‘no’ to sweetness.

“Sure, let’s go raid the Koenig’s stash.” Comes Skye’s reply.

* * *

 

“Are my eyes deceiving me, or is that Agent Danvers standing here before me?” The voice doesn’t startle Didi, because it’s all too familiar. In fact, back in the day, when she was just a rookie, it had been the voice of her nightmares. But then again, Bobbi had always said that if you don’t have nightmares about your SO, she’s not doing her job right. Didi turned around and found the familiar face of her old SO staring back at her, slightly smirking. “They might be deceiving you, old lady. Maybe you should buy some glasses to be sure.” The two women each take a step forward and envelop each other in a big hug.

“Hey, hey. Watch who you call ‘old’, rookie. I bet I can still teach you a thing or two.” Bobbi replies laughingly. The days of Didi being her rookie were long past, and the younger girl had racked up quite the reputation within SHIELD, before it fell. Graduated a year early from the Academy, excellent scores in languages, shooting and espionage. Great at hand-to-hand combat. The number of undercover assignments she’d completed were impressive, and her skills as an operative matched closely to those of the Black Widow.

“So… anything new going on with you lately? I seem to recall hearing something about you divorcing that arrogant English prick. I believe I toasted that news with a pitcher of Margaritas when I heard it. Good riddance, I say!” It was no secret that Didi and Hunter had a… complicated… relationship. They both had the same kind of attitude, both being very frank and blunt. To say they didn’t really hit it off, was the understatement of the decade. The century even. Didi didn’t understand Hunter’s distrust towards Bobbi and his blatant disregard for the job she did. Hunter in turn didn’t appreciate Didi’s input in his marriage and the way she was always acting like the sun shone from her ass (his words..). They were fun to watch though, when they were bickering. It would be a good entertainment option, since the Playground didn’t get cable.

“Hey Bob, are you coming? I thought you were going to make popcorn, so we could go and watch the interrogation? What’s keeping you so….” The voice kept moving closer to the room, and before Bobbi could react, Hunter was standing inside, facing Didi. “Oh bloody hell, it’s you again!” he said, disdain clearly present in his voice. “If this isn’t proof that there is no God, I don’t know what is.”

Didi smiled a big, fake smile at him. “Well hello to you to, dipshit. Clearly your people skills haven’t improved since the last time I saw you. Might I suggest hospitality training? Or a lobotomy?” Bobbi is still deciding if she should kick Hunter in the shins for being himself, or laugh at Didi’s comment. Neither option would be good though, for her .. relationship (if it even was that) with Lance. But it was difficult, to keep the laughter to herself. She now wishes she’d gone and made the popcorn first, before coming to check on Didi.

“How ‘bout you keep that lobotomy for your exes, luv. If you’ve made them all as crazy as the one we've got in interrogation, they’re gonna need it more.” Didi’s fake smile falls. “What ex of mine in interrogation?.. Bobbi?’ she asks, turning to Bobbi. _Damn_! _Stupid Hunter and his big, fat, stupid mouth._ “Uhm… “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry Skyeward shippers. This will not be a 'Carward' (Wardidi; Danward???, whatever) fic! Didi's got her own knight in black tactical gear (or is it a knight in a labcoat) waiting for her...
> 
> BTdubs, did you catch the little Avengers throwback?
> 
> Please, tell me what you liked or disliked about the story, or how you think it will continue....


	4. The Truth is Like A Wakeup Call (But What If You’re Not Sleeping)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Didi makes an interesting point, but it only serves to confuse Skye even further. Ward is surprised by a ghost from the past, but he doesn't mind. And her theory about him does raize a valid question. 
> 
> But Grant has some bombs of his own to drop...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter before the action starts (I think :)...)  
> Thank you for the kudos and the bookmarks, I love you all dearly for it...  
> But if you've got the time, please leave me a comment, so I can get some of your thoughts and/or imput...

_Something’s wrong. He’s not where he’s supposed to be. It’s too dark to see but he’s certain he’s being chased. He can hear the footsteps behind him, getting closer. He’s getting tired, and he can’t even remember why they are chasing him. The only thing he knows is that if they catch him, he won’t ever see the sky again. And that’s important to him, for some reason; but the more he tries to recall why, the less he’s sure of anything. The footsteps are gaining on him, and he pushes himself forward. Always keep running, always running, never stop. Never even pause for a second, no time to waste. Just get out, get out, find an exit. Get to safety. Get to the sky. Out, out, out, out, out,…_

He startles awake, and it takes him a minute to remember where he is. When he does remember, he wishes he could go back to sleep, back to dreaming. Because nightmare or not, it was definitely better than the hell he wakes up in, every morning. He doesn’t know how long he’s been with them, there is no way for him to determine the time. They keep him drugged up most of the time, and when he does wake up, his arms are full of needle marks and he feels lightheaded. He never gets out of his box, at least not while he’s awake.

They want him to show them, what he can do. But he’s got no control over it. It happens randomly, and he can only sustain it for short periods of time. Sometimes, when he thinks there’s nobody around, he’ll try. He’ll do his relaxation drills and focus on his breathing, and every once in a while, it actually works. But there’s no escape. He can see the structure in his mind, he can look for cracks all he wants, but it’s no use. The box is perfection, specifically designed to keep somebody like him inside.

He tries to keep from going insane, but the mix of isolation, nightmares and the drugs is making it hard for him to make a distinction between what’s real and what’s fake. He tries to remember his team, his friends, his _family_ ; but by now the line between dream and reality has blurred enough that he can’t be certain he really had them. He sees flashes of light brown hair and hazel eyes and he can sometimes hear somebody calling for him, screaming his name. But before he can make sense of it all, determine if it’s real, they put him under again. And the dreams start.

* * *

 

When the door to the interrogation room finally opens, it’s not who he was expecting to see. He figured it would be Coulson or May doing the interrogating. Or the blonde agent from the bus. But it’s somebody entirely different. A regular blast from the past, so to speak. Even though his facial features never change, he’s surprised by his interrogator. Not because they sent in an incapable questioner, far from it; but because he’d heard she’d been sent on a deep cover op in the South of France.

“Grant Douglas Ward… fancy meeting you here.” She says, as she sits down opposite him. She still looks the same to him, just older. He spots a few new scars, blemishes on her skin that weren’t there when he knew her. “I’m still a little mind blown, to be honest. I never pegged you for a traitor. The Grant Ward I knew wasn’t like that.”

He moves in his seat, putting his forearms on the table in front of him and leans forward a bit. His eyes capture hers, looking almost black in the low lighting. “The Grant Ward you knew doesn’t exist.” He says with finality in his tone, and he slumps backwards again. Didi doesn’t seem fazed by his statement. She never was one to rattle easily.

“Tssk, tssk, Grant. Don’t play dumb with me. I read your files. It seems to me like the only times you were ever really yourself, were back at the Academy, and on that Bus. Why do you think that is?” Her question is answered by silence, but it really doesn’t matter. She never expected him to answer anyway. So she continues, “See.. I’ve got this theory about that, but you can always correct me if I’m wrong.” Again, not so much as a movement from across the table.

“I think it’s because those were the only two times you could be yourself, even within the restrictions of your orders from Garret. He ordered you to become a SHIELD agent, and to be the best. And you were. What other things you did, didn’t matter to him, because the directive was achieved. And without him or his threats hanging above your head, you were free to form relationships. Same thing on the Bus. Your initial orders were to gain their trust. You can’t get their trust if you don’t open up, if you don’t get close to people.” She stops to look at him again. He’s trying very much to hide what he’s thinking, but despite being one of the best, he could never really hide from her. “That’s what they always told us, didn’t they? Lie with as much truth as possible. Those were the times the true Grant Ward shone through. The one that’s protective and kind and loyal, the one who used those qualities for the benefit of others, instead of having them twisted into something wrong.”

She stands now, moving over to him while she produces a key from her pocket. The moment the cuffs click off, his hands begin prickling, because of the increased blood flow. She hops on the table beside him. “There’s this saying, ‘Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.’ So it stands to reason that those who seek absolute power, are the most corrupt of them all.” Didi stays quiet for a few moments, before hopping of the table again, moving back towards her chair. “I don’t think you seek power. I think you were loyal to the wrong man, and that’s why you’re in here. Garret wasn’t HYDRA, he wasn’t a True Believer, and he didn’t share their ideals. It just so happened that both Garret’s and HYDRA’s plans ran parallel to each other. There’s no way their alliance would have lasted, because the moment Garret had what he wanted, he would have turned on them as well. That means, that if Garret wasn’t really HYDRA, you weren’t really HYDRA either.”

Didi pulls out a small smartphone and reads something. Her brows go up a little, bur her face otherwise remains impassive. “You’re not HYDRA now, either. You infiltrated them, riding on Garret’s name, and you gave us Bakshi. That makes us believe you’ve got your own agenda now, Grant. But what we can’t figure out, is what side that puts you on.

She stands again and walks towards the door. “Nice chatting with you, Grant. Later, alligator.” She says easily as she walks out, and leaves Ward alone again.

* * *

 

This really wasn’t what he had expected from his first interview back here. Didi hadn’t actually _asked_ him anything. At least not anything relative to the search for HYDRA. She’d given him plenty to think about though. It was true that he didn’t really pretend when he was at the Academy. He needed the education and whether it was SHIELD or HYDRA that gave him that, it didn’t really matter. He had liked the Academy, found people like him. Found friends and a relationship. Without the harsh surroundings, and the fear of disappointing Garret, he could almost forget the past. Forget the promises he made to his SO. But, like Didi said, his loyalty ran deep, and unfortunately it was commandeered by the wrong side.

No matter how much he liked the Academy, or SHIELD, or his time on the Bus; and no matter how much he wants to be a real part of it all; his loyalty to Garret had always taken front seat. But now? Garret is dead, and is was free, figuratively speaking. And he’s finally decided the side he wants to be on, which is the reason he let himself get caught. So, even though there’s nobody in the room anymore, he answers her question. _What we can’t figure out, is what side that puts you on._ “Yours.”

* * *

 

 _The Grant Ward I knew, wasn’t like that._ That little sentence has been driving Skye crazy, ever since she heard it through the speakers of her laptop. Coulson should have realized that nothing could or would stop her from following the interview. After all, she was the one that upgraded the firewalls in this place. The camera was a bit grainy, but the sound was good, and that was the most important part.

She listened to Didi explain her theories about Ward, and watched as he just sat there, passively. But even after that whole speech she made, the only thing that kept running though Skye’s mind was: _What was Didi’s relationship with Ward. How did they know each other?_ It shouldn’t be, she knows. He’s nothing to her, not anymore, but she can’t help herself. If it’s true, what Didi said, about Ward not really being HYDRA, and his loyalties being twisted, was there a chance he could redeem himself? And if there was a chance, would he take it? And where would that leave the team? And what about Ward and Didi?

No matter how much she tries to steer her mind away from that, they always end up where she started. So now she has two choices. Either she keeps imagining their relationship, or she finds out for real. And that means going straight to the source. She gets up from her bunk and goes to find Didi’s room. If it’s answers she wants, Didi’s the one to give them.

A knock on the door later, and Skye’s standing in Didi’s room. Even though the other woman has arrived only 12 hours ago, the room already looks cozy and totally unlike a military bunk. There’s color everywhere, pictures of people Skye doesn’t know, and some of people she does know. She walks over to one that looks like it’s been through hell. It’s got creases and holes in it, like it has been moved around a lot.

The picture shows a group of 6 people, 4 of them in what she can tell is tactical gear, and 2 wearing lab coats. They looks happy and relaxed as they stare at the camera, with tongues peeking from between their lips and mischief in their eyes. Skye recognizes a younger Didi, arms across the shoulders of 2 men. The one on her left is a little on the short side, blonde hair sticking up at odd angles, like he’d just gotten out of bed. His blue eyes are clear even on the grainy picture, and his tongue is sticking out towards the side, like he’s trying to lick Didi’s face. The one on the right couldn’t be more his opposite. He is tall and broad, and has to duck a little so Didi’s arm could fall comfortably across his shoulders. His arms are crossed over his chest, but not an a defiant way. And he’s smiling. Skye can’t remember him ever smiling that seemingly carefree. _Ward_.

“You all look happy,” she turns towards Didi before she continues, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile like that. Not even at me.” Didi sits down on her bed, and pats the spot beside her, inviting Skye to sit with her. “It was a different time then. He wasn’t a sleeper agent, and the only thing Garret had asked him to do was go to school.” She pauses and looks Skye in the eyes, “I’m not saying that what he did was okay, because it wasn’t. But we’ve all been ordered to do things that aren’t okay, and even the good guys make bad calls. Just imagine if you were to follow orders, without really knowing which side you were on. It puts some of his actions in a morally grey zone, and it’s up to you and your team to decide how you define that grey.”

Didi walks over to her closet, and pulls out a photo album. Most specialist aren’t really the sentimental types, but Didi finds that having pictures grounds her. It helps her remember who she is, which is especially needed in her line of work. The pictures represent the person beneath the tactical gear. The real Didi beneath the mask of her aliases.

“When I graduated high school, my dad wouldn’t let me go to college. He was… I guess you could say he was stuck in the ‘good old days’ when women took care of the household and made sure dinner was on the table every night. He figured I didn’t need a college degree to do that. So I ran away. I tried to enlist in the Navy, but they caught me with fake documents. You see, I was only 17 at the time, and I’d forged my dad’s signature. Instead of sending me back home, I got presented with a choice. Enter SHIELD Academy or do as my dad wanted and get married to some beer bellied misogynist and pop out some grandsons. You can see what choice I made.”

She started flipping through the pages of the album. “It was the best decision I ever made, and even with everything going on, I still believe in what SHIELD stands for. I will fight to protect whatever freedom we have left, whether it be from alien invaders or homeworld evils.” She paused on a page, showing off a picture of her with Ward, standing in front of a fountain. “I met Grant when I was in my second year. We got put in the same tactical assesments class. We got partnered up for a project and we became friends. Then, we became more.. nothing too serious, we both knew we had an expiration date. But we had good times. I don’t think it was love, but it was close enough.”

Didi fell silent after that, and the two woman just flipped through the pages of the book together. After a while, Skye speaks up. “Do you… do you think it’s real for him now? What he feels for me? That it’s really love? Because that’s what Raina said…” Didi studies the younger woman for a moment, sees the vulnerability in her eyes. “I think you should ask him that, bur for what it’s worth, I think it is.” Skye nods at this, and stands.

“Thanks, Didi,” she says quietly, before going back to her own bunk. The conversation has left Skye even more confused than before, and that’s saying something.

* * *

 

Didi has been gone for about an hour, when Coulson walks in. “You say you’re on our side? Then start talking.” The tone in the Director’s voice shows that he means business, and that it’s time to stop playing games. Ward sits up a little straighter. “I know what Raina and Cal are planning,” And he sees Coulson getting interested. So he moves forward a little, puts his hands flat on the table and stares straight into the older man’s eyes. “And they have Agent Tripplett.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you surprised??


	5. With Friends Like You (My Back Is Covered)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ward shares his intel on Raina and he and Fitz share a moment. Meanwhile our favorite eavesdropper has followed every word, but will it change anything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I lied before... this chapter doesn't have the real action yet. It does however make a move toward sort of redeeming Ward gives us some insight in what Raina is up to...
> 
> Up next: Tripp gets a 'get out of jail' card, but it isn't free...

_“And they have agent Tripplett.”_ The silence that follows that sentence is heavy with emotion, seemingly making time stop in its tracks. They’ve been mourning the loss of their friend for over 5 months, so to hear that he’s actually still alive is shocking, to say the least. Ward knows that if they had even suspected Tripp was still alive, they wouldn’t have left a stone unturned in the search for him. It would have been good for him as well, because the more men were out there looking for Tripp, the less they were looking for Ward. If he’d known about Tripp earlier, it might have saved him from revealing some of his safe houses. But the moment he found out, and the moment he realized what it was that Raina and Cal were up to, he let himself get caught.

It takes a few moments for Coulson to regain his focus, but you can’t really blame him for that. After all, there was being blindsided, and then there was being _blindsided_. “How is that possible? Skye saw him turn to ash… there was nothing…” Phil says, his voice still carefully detached, like he’s afraid he’d just misheard Ward. Then he pulls himself together completely, and Ward can see him slip into ‘Director-mode’. “Tell me everything!”

* * *

 

_It had taken him the better part of 5 months to track her down. The lying, manipulative bitch had played him and she was going to pay for that. All that talk about Skye’s father and how much he just wanted to get to know his daughter, it was mostly bullshit; a manipulation of his feelings so he’d give them what they wanted. The ‘next step in evolution’; whatever the hell that may be. She’d placated him with talk about Skye and him being monsters together, and he’d bought it; hook, line and sinker. But then he realized, Skye could never be a monster, no matter what her ‘evolution’ might be. And when he thought about it deeper, he figured he wasn’t a monster either. At least not compared to Skye’s bat-shit crazy dad. Okay, Ward had done some questionable things, but he’d never done any more harm than what was strictly necessary. He wasn’t like that._

_Ward also figured out he really does not like to be played. So he went looking, hoping to find something that could get him at least the attention of his people. Although, to call them ‘his people’ was a bit of a stretch at the moment, but with the right intel that might change._

_It had taken him a while, but he’d found that when it comes to finding Raina, you just have to follow the weird. And weird it had been. It had started small. The rumors about a species of flower that was found on the Dominican Republic, Cuba and Honduras had captured Ward’s attention from the start. But even more so when he began hearing descriptions of people acting strangely, of being in an almost zombie-like state and then disappearing all together._

_Those stories and rumors had led him towards a small, rundown warehouse north-east to the city of Monterrey in Mexico. Ward was pretty sure they would be making their way back into the States at some point, so he wanted to act quickly, before they were gone again. He managed to get in undetected, but when he saw what he was up against, he realized it would be a good time to call in reinforcements._

* * *

 

 

“So that’s when I decided it was time to get back on the grid.” Ward finishes his story to Coulson, who’s been getting more and more agitated the longer his story continued. And Ward had not even told him the truly disturbing part. “She’s like this, I don’t know, flower-human hybrid or something. The pollen she has, can alter your state of mind, and you turn into a mindless robot. It’s sort of like what Lorelei does, but Raina’s pollen don’t only affect men. She’s collected an entire army of drones to command. They’re keeping Tripp locked in some sort of airtight box, to prevent him from escaping. I think they run tests on him, I could see a lot of needle marks on his arms and in his neck.”

Coulson looks pensive for a moment, and then a troubled look crosses his face. “Any signs of…,” he swallows, “any signs of torture?” Ward shakes his head. He didn’t stay in the facility for too long, but he did stay long enough to see some weird shit going down. “No, sir. I’m pretty sure torture is not an option where Tripp’s concerned, and Raina’s mind-tricks don’t seem to work on him either. From what I could tell, he’s got the ability to turn himself into some sort of mist, and re-manifest in an entirely different spot. Which I guess is why they need an airtight cell to lock him into. I don’t think he ever leaves that box conscious.”

Coulson nods at that, a somewhat relieved look in his eyes. Ward gets it. Being captured is one thing, being tortured is another thing all together, and much harder to get over. It’s not that Raina is above torture, but torturing an unconscious man kind of defeats the whole purpose. “It’s a little hypocritical, I think. She’s a ‘gifted’ too, but I didn’t seen any needle marks on her arms. So I guess even her devotion to her search for the next step in evolution has its limits.”

After his story, Ward gets left alone again. He figures they will come back again, when they figured out a plan. He’s got the layout of the facility after all, and they are going to need that.

* * *

 

His next visitor isn’t somebody he expects to see. In fact, it’s a face he never thought he’d see again, especially after what happened the last time Ward was being held captive by SHIELD. He’s relieved to notice that Fitz looks less murderous this time than he did back then. If there’s only one thing he gets to ask forgiveness for, it would be for what he’s done to Fitz, however unintentional it may have been.

The young scientist silently takes a seat in front of him and continues to stare at his hands. Ward is sure that Fitz will start talking sooner rather than later, so he just waits.

“I thought you tried to kill us. That you eh… that you…,” it’s clear Fitz can’t come up with the word he’s looking for, but Ward doesn’t think it would be appreciated if he were to supply the word. And then it hits Fitz, “sabotaged the med-pod so it would sink, and we would just be gone. I thought you lied when you said that you thought it was going to float.” The young man still isn’t looking at Ward, but continues to study his hands.

“I had the med-pod brought up from the ocean to prove that, but instead I found something else... There was a hole in the tube that’s supposed to pump air into the… the… um… the things that make the pod… the _flotation_ devices. The damn hole has been there since those Peruvian military types were on the plane; I extracted one of their bullets from the tube. The air tanks of the med-pod had been empty for forever, and none of us noticed. Because none of us was looking for it. The repair crew just placed a new panel over it, not noticing the busted tube.”

Fitz finally looks up toward Ward, and there’s something in his eyes Ward never thought he would ever see again. Hope. “Explain it to me,” Fitz asks, and there’s hope shining though his voice as well. Ward nods. “Garret ordered me to kill my dog once. He’d been with me since the day I was left in those woods. But he was my friend, and I couldn’t just end his life, no matter how much I wanted to please Garret.” He stops a moment, and looks at Fitz, willing him to understand what he was about to say next. “You… You and Jemma, and everybody else on that damn Bus, were my friends. And I couldn’t kill you, just like I couldn’t kill buddy. But I couldn’t leave you on the plane. If Garret found out you were still alive, he would just kill you himself. The med-pod seemed like the perfect solution. I could tell Garret you were no longer a problem, without having to end your lives. I didn’t even know the pod wasn’t floating until I looked out the window and didn’t see it. By then it was too late to do anything about it.”

Ward takes a deep breath, before he continues, “I never killed one of our own for HYDRA. But I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t believe me.” The look is his eyes is sorrowful but appears to be honest, and Fitz is a bit taken aback by it. “What about Erik and Victoria?” he asks, just because he feels like he needs to.

“Erik Koenig, just like all the other ones… they’re LMD’s,” Fitz’ eyes go wide at that statement. Of course he’s heard about LMD’s, but he always believed them to be improbable, considering the work that would go into one of them. “They’re modeled after one of the first agents SHIELD had, way back in the 50ies. The real one, he wasn’t such a stickler for lanyards. As for agent Hand… The gun I shot her with, was one she gave me herself, to guard the prisoners. So let me ask you, Fitz; when have you ever known SHIELD to guard with live ammo?” Fitz’ eyes grow even wider, if that was even possible.

“It was an ICER?” he asks, because how could he not. But Ward shakes his head. “No, not an ICER, but some sort of beanbag round. Very inventive to create a beanbag round for a 9mm, but very effective. She got knocked out, but was still alive when we left her. My guess is she’s probably underground, of with Fury somewhere.”

* * *

 

Skye sits motionless behind her computer, trying to understand what Ward just told Fitz. He hadn’t tried to kill the scientists, but his plan to get them out of harm’s way had seriously backfired. Victoria Hand was still alive (at least she had been when Ward had last seen her) and was out there somewhere doing god knows what. As for Erik… LMD or not, Ward did terminate him, and Skye had sort of grown to like the little stick-in-the-mud.

Skye wonders if this is what Didi meant, when she talked about re-defining those grey areas. Because knowing all this, definitely shone a different light on Grant Ward. That didn’t, however, excuse the things he did after he’d escaped from SHIELD custody.

She falls back onto her bed with a deep sigh. Everything she thought she knew, everything she’d believed for the past year, was turned upside down. She had mourned the loss of her friend, blamed herself for it in fact. And not only does he turn out to be alive, he’s like her. She had tried to hate the man in the interrogation room, and it turns out, he’s not the villain she made him out to be.

She had known that when she entered SHIELD, she would be in for some weird shit, but she doesn’t think even a Sci-fi novelist could have imagined this. She pulls herself upright again, shuts down her laptop and moves out of her bunk. The first thing she needs to focus on, is getting Tripp back. The rest… well, she’ll have to deal with that later… hopefully much later.


	6. The Early Bird Gets The Worm (And Other Stuff)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Infiltrating an old warehouse isn't as hard as it looks, when you've got a great team. And supernatural powers come in handy as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy!

If you would have told Skye 2 years ago, that _nothing_ is ever still, she would have laughed. Hard. In your face. Hell, if you’d told her that 6 months ago, she still wouldn’t have believed you, even after all the weird and sciency things she’d experienced. But now, nobody needs to _tell_ her, because she can feel it for herself. Everything on this earth vibrates, and has his own frequency.

At first when it happened, it drove Skye mad. Whatever was going on around her seemed to mute, and she sort of heard the vibrations of things. It took her weeks of training to be able to control it, but now that she can, she can’t even imagine what it was like before.

Her… well, ‘power’ is a nifty one, if she says so herself. At first they thought she could just move the earth, make it shake and break. But it turns out, it’s so much more than that. She’s got the power to manipulate vibration. _All_ vibration. It means that she can move the earth, and everything that lives on it. She can make a rock vibrate so fast, it shatters (she learned that the hard way, and May has a new scar as a result of it). But she can also make it vibrate just enough, to make it look like it’s flying. (Which it’s not, or so Jemma tells her… Skye still thinks it’s pretty kick-ass.).

She can also stop somebody’s vocal cords from moving, so they are effectively mute. And Jemma has theorized that she could even cause an arrhythmia in a heart. (which Skye has no intention to prove accurate.) Finally, she can also sense how many distinct frequencies there are in a certain location, which comes in really handy if you want to know how many opponents there are in a given place.

When she’d started researching herself and her powers, she’d come across a thesis written by a Charles X-whatever (she always forgets his name). It’s about the next step in the evolution of the _'Homo sapiens'_ (she sometimes wondered if this Charles dude and Raina were tea-party buddies), and the fact that the next step is already among us. He calls these people ‘mutants’, which she hates, because that makes it sound like she’s supposed to have 3 heads and a tail. He claims that these special abilities can be trained and nurtured, like they’re an extra muscle. So that’s what she did. For weeks and months. From 6 to 9, hand to hand combat with May. 9.30 to noon, weapons training with Bobbi and in the afternoon, every kind of power training Jemma could come up with.

_“Skye, how many people are in the kitchen right now, and who are they?” – “Skye, direct a tremor towards that middle dummy and knock it over.” – “Skye, do this; Skye, Do that…”_ It’s a good thing Skye loves Jemma, because that training could have gone horribly wrong if she didn’t.

* * *

 

“Okay, this reading is totally wacked. I can sense 2 different vibrations, 1 is definitely a single person, al be it a little slower than normal; the other is like a group-vibration, about 30 people as far as I can tell. But that’s not possible. Everything has its own unique vibration, I’ve never felt anything like this before.” Skye lets her focus go, and directs her comments to her friend on the Bus. “Jemma, do you think I’m already broken?”

“Skye! I mean Quake, you’re not supposed to use my real name during a mission! What if we get compromised?” Skye hears a deep sigh coming from the other end of her comms, but she can’t tell if it’s Simmons, or one of the other members of the team. “And no, I don’t think you’re on the fritz. It’s possible that the people under Raina’s control, adapt to her vibration. But I would have to do some tests to be completely certain.” Skye rolls her eyes, because of course Jemma won’t make a statement without empirical evidence to back it up. “Okay, _Crane_ , if you say so… .

 “People, can we get back on track here?” Coulson’s stern voice interrupts the two girls, “We’ve got one of our own to rescue and a nefarious scheme to stop. You can argue about handles and testing when we get back home. We have to assume that the other vibration you feel is Tripp and that he’s probably under sedation. Quake, you create a diversion on the east side of the building. Mockingbird and Warbird, you go in from the west and handle the Raina-drones. But remember, they are innocent people, so only use ICERs. Hunter, you take the roof and grab Tripp; while Phoenix and I go after Raina. Is everybody clear on the plan.” Coulson doesn’t wait for a reply, “Okay then, let’s move out.”

* * *

 

“I still think my idea for Hunter’s handle was better. His isn’t even an actual handle, it’s just his last name.” Didi complained to Bobbi as they were headed over to the west side of the building. They would wait until Skye’s diversion had drawn the guards away from the west side and Tripp, and they would come at them from the back. Skye would join them when she was done with her part.

“Oh please Didi, not again. We’ve been over this already. Just leave it be and focus on the mission.” Bobbi says, exasperation clear in her voice. Even though the discussion had been entertaining back on base, right now was not the time to drag it up again.

_“So, let me get this straight. You all picked handles that are birds? Well, except for Skye, but her real name is already so linked to birds.” Didi said, while looking around the gym. “So Bobbi, if you’re Mockingbird, Jemma is Crane and May is Phoenix, I’ll keep my army handle, if you don’t mind. It fits in perfectly with yours. Mockingbird, Crane, Phoenix and Warbird, see perfect fit.” Didi spotted Lance walking by the gym, and raised her voice slightly. “So, how about Hunter? I’m thinking ‘birdbrain’ might be a perfect fit for him.” They all heard a huff coming from outside the door and burst out laughing, when they realized Hunter had heard Didi’s speech._

“Fine,” Didi says, “I’ll drop it. But not because we’re on a mission. I mean I _am_ a woman, so I can discuss something and kick ass at the same time. But for the sake of team spirit. Wouldn’t want to hurt poor Lancie’s feelings, now would I.” Bobbi just rolls her eyes at her friend and turns on her comm again. “Warbird and Mockingbird in position. Ready when you are, Quake.” They didn’t get a reply over their earwigs, but the sound of earth ripping and metal bending was all the answer they need.

Bobbi kicks in the door on the west side entrance, the sound muffled by the chaos coming from the other side. Two guards who were just moving out of the room turned though, and Bobbi was quick to take them out. “Got 2 down in the back room, proceeding towards the main room; Quake, when you’re done playing with dirt, feel free to join in on the real fun.” Didi says over the comms, sure that Skye wouldn’t take her teasing the wrong way.

* * *

 

The two woman make their way into the main room and take a few seconds to get their bearings. Most of the guards are at the front gate, trying to find out where the flying rocks are coming from. Bobbi takes out one with a swift kick to his unmentionables and clocks another one over the head with her ICER. No use in spilling ammo when you can knock somebody out with a fist. At her back she sees Didi punch a rather skinny looking guy in the nose before she swipes his legs out from under him. It’s a beautiful sight to see. “Nice takedown, Warbird. A little sloppy on the turn-out though. We’ll have to work on that when we get back home.” She says, and she winks in Didi’s direction.

By the time the guards outside notice the disturbance in the main hall, Skye has already joined the other two woman, and the number of men standing is reduced to 10.

“Uh, guys. Don’t mean to be a pain here, but there is no door or anything in this box. I don’t know how to get Tripp out.” Hunter’s voice sounds worried, because they can’t very well carry the _entire_ box back to the plane with them. “Is he awake?” Skye asks, while she fires her ICER at two guards coming for her. She hits one of them dead center, and he goes down, but the other dodges her shot and lands a punch in her gut. “He is… sort of. I think he’s coming out of sedation, but he’s a little wobbly on his legs.” Hunter answers her question. Tripp’s sitting on the bed, trying to shake off the drowsiness.

“Okay, I’m going to send a shockwave towards the box, if I can get it to crack, it might create enough room for Tripp to do his own little magic trick and get out.” Skye grunts out, as she twists her opponent’s arm behind him and knocks him over the head. Skye tries to focus, which is easier said than done with all the noise around her. She lifts up her foot, and stomps on the floor, sending a ripple towards the cell they’re keeping Tripp in. The shockwave lands, and the whole box shakes and squeaks. The movement seems to shake Tripp into action, because Skye can see him slip into ‘meditation mode’. Then all of a sudden, he’s gone and there’s a fine mist hanging in the cell. She sees the mist move to every corner of the box, before it finally makes its way outside and solidifies again. When Tripp reappears, he collapses against Hunter, who starts dragging him towards the exit.

“Okay, now that’s coo –“ She can’t finish her sentence, because all of a sudden there’s a burning pain searing through her shoulder. It’s not because they are shooting to subdue, not kill, that the opponents have the same mindset. Although it might not be totally as planned because she can hear a female voice yell “No!” through the room, before she drops down.

All the Raina-drones stop fighting, and turn towards the voice. She’s standing on an open staircase that’s built into the side of the building. Her eyes are wide with worry when she looks at Skye. Then her eyes move towards the door, just a few steps above her and the sound of helicopter blades fills the room. She looks down towards Skye one last time, before she takes the last steps and disappears behind the door. The moment she leaves, all her drones drop down on the floor.

* * *

 

Skye’s staring at her friend through the glass door of the med-pod. For such a big guy, he looks small laying there under the crisp white sheets. There’s an IV in both arms, and they are supposed to flush the last of the drugs out of Tripp’s system. Skye feels like there’s a weight lifted from her shoulders. For 5 months she’d blamed herself for Tripp’s death, because he only went into the chamber to protect her.

She realizes that Ward didn’t have to come to them with the info. He could have stayed under the radar, away from them. He could have been free. Instead he chose to come to them, to risk lifetime imprisonment, to tell them about Tripp. That, coupled with what she’d overheard between Ward and Fitz, makes her believe there is still hope for the man she once called her friend.

She walks over to the interrogation room, where they’re keeping Ward, and slides a note under the door. She can’t face him yet, there’s still so much anger, simmering under the surface. And also a little shame, because she did shoot him. Point blank.

* * *

 

Ward sees the little white rectangle appear under the door, and he walks over to pick it up. When he opens it, a small smile spreads across his face. Even though the note isn’t signed, he knows who it’s from. He’d know that handwriting anywhere. _Skye_. The note is perfect in its simplicity, but he can imagine how difficult it must have been to write it.

_‘Thank you.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Handles:
> 
> Mockingbird: Bobbi Morse; It's her comic book handle  
> Warbird: Carol Danvers; Besides Ms Marvel and Binary, Warbird is also a handle she uses in the comics
> 
> Crane: Jemma Simmons; Not wanting to be left out, she picks her name to reference a great mind in the world of biochem (Dr Robert K. Crane), it doesn't hurt that it fits in with Bobbi's handle.
> 
> Phoenix: Melinda May; Yes, I am aware this is also the name of Jean Grey on X-men, but they aren't in play here (besides the small X-men first class reference). It comes from the mythical Chinese bird Fenghuang, sometimes referred to as 'August Rooster' or 'Chinese phoenix'. The bird that reigns over all other birds. I found it fitting for May.
> 
> Quake: Daisy Johnson's handle in the comics (and very aptly named at that)
> 
> If you guys have any ideas for the boys handles, let me know in the comments :) i'd love to hear them!


	7. There Are Still Bridges Left (You Just Have To Look)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skye and Ward make some headway in the complicatedness that is their relationship, and Tripp finally wakes up from his 5 month long nightmare.
> 
> But does this mean that it will be smooth sailing from now on out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More tactical-ness coming in the next chapter. After all, Tripp has to know something about Raina's plans...
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy!

It’s a Saturday night when she finally comes to visit him. He’s been at the base for about 5 days, and it has been 2 since he heard she got shot during Tripp’s rescue mission. _”Just the shoulder. Nothing major, she’s going to be just fine.”_ Didi had told him afterwards. It didn’t make him stop worrying though. The opposite actually, the news giving him flashbacks to Ian Quinn and a GSW to the abdomen. Didi also told him that the mission was a success. It was a relief to know that Tripp was okay, well… sort of. The stress his body went through during his months of captivity, his lack of nourishment and restful sleep and the fact that Raina had almost bled him out; made that he was very weak and hadn’t woken up yet, short for some panic attacks. It would probably take a while before he was back to the Tripp they all knew and loved.

After the mission, he was moved to another part of the base, one that held more permanent housing-units. His new ‘home’ was a 3 room apartment, with a tiny kitchen, a small but adequate bathroom and a bedroom with an actual bed. This didn’t mean they trusted him. Not by any means, given the tracking bracelet and the house-arrest. But it at least meant he’d gained some goodwill in his former team, at least enough to accommodate him a little nicer.

Ward’s sitting in a chair, reading a book, when a tentative knock on the door breaks through his concentration. He’s dressed in loose fitting pajama pants and a white t-shirt, he hadn’t expected company after all. As he moves to the door, he wonders what it is Didi wants now. He opens the door, while saying “What do you need, Did..-” only to stop when he sees it’s not the blonde he expected, standing on his doorstep.

Skye’s standing there, a big bag hanging from her left arm, while her right one is secured tightly to her chest in a sling. She awkwardly waves the fingers in greeting, shoves the bag in his hands and walks past him into his quarters. “Not Didi, as you can see,” she says, dropping herself in the chair Ward had just vacated, “Sorry to disappoint.” Meanwhile, Ward’s still standing in the doorway, bag in his hands, mouth slightly open. It’s not until a cold gust of wind blows through the still open door, he starts to shiver and snaps back out of his daze. “Uhm… Skye, hi… I wasn’t expecting…” He closes the door and moves to sit across from her, on the only other chair he’s got in this place.

They stare at each other for a minute, neither of them talking. But he can’t take the scrutiny he’s under, so he’s the first one to break contact. “I heard you got shot; are you alright?” He asks her, pointing toward the sling. She stays silent for a second longer, and he can see her wince when she lifts her shoulders to shrug. “I’ve been better. I’ve also been worse…” the words aren’t actually accusatory, but they sting none the less, “One more scar won’t make a difference.” Ward unconsciously rubs his left hand over his right ribs, under his arm. The place he’s got 4 new scars. The one’s she gave him. He isn’t mad at her, because she did what he taught her, take the enemy out. He wonders if she still sees him as ‘the enemy’.

“I’m sorry about those,” she says when she sees him rub his side, “I shouldn’t have done that.” Her eyes drop to her left hand, that’s toying with the hem of her shirt. Even if she doesn’t look at him, he can tell she really is sorry, and he can maybe even detect some shame in her tone. “Don’t be. You shot somebody you perceived as your enemy. I would have been disappointed if you hadn’t. It means some of my training stuck.”

She doesn’t respond to that, and she doesn’t lift her head. Another awkward silence descends over the room. It didn’t use to be this hard, between them. But that was before he betrayed her, and he can’t blame her for being uncomfortable. The only thing he can hope for is the chance to make it up to her, to them. And he really hopes that helping to save Tripp, gets him at least a foot in the door. He hopes that’s the reason she came here tonight.

“How’s Tripp doing? Did he wake up yet?” He asks, to get her talking. To fill the distance and empty space there is between them. The space he put there. “He’s still sleeping. Sometimes he wakes up, very confused and tries to rip out all of the tubes and stuff. And when he sees one of us, he starts crying and mumbling something about ‘not being real’ and ‘torture’. Jemma thinks it’s better to keep him sedated until the drug Raina used on him is out of his system.” This time she does look up again. “Thank you, for helping us get him back. It hasn’t been the same around here without him.” There’s a sad look creeping over her when she says that, and he thinks she doesn’t only mean Tripp not being around.

“He’s a good guy, and he’s lucky to have a team that looks after him like that.” He knows it’s the wrong thing to say, when the sadness in her eyes makes way for anger. She stands up and starts pacing. “ _You_ had a team that looked after you! A team that put its life on the line for you, time and time again. And yet you still turned your back on us. The fact that you didn’t _kill_ any of us, despite your orders, only gets you a little leeway. It won’t solve the other problems.”

Like he doesn’t know that. And damn it! He’s trying, he really is. So he stands, and gets in her face. Not intentionally in a threatening way, but with his height it’s almost impossible not to be a little threatening. He puts his hands on her shoulders, taking care not to press down on her wounded arm, “I know,” is all he says, before he pulls her in for a hug. She tries to fight him, but who is she kidding, she’s no match for him physically. After a few moments of struggling, and a few winces when she hurts her shoulder, she finally gives in. Her head comes to rest against his chest and her tears make his t-shirt soggy.

He walks her over to his bed – the only place they can sit side by side – and sits them both down. Her head remains on his chest, but his arm moves away from her shoulder to rub circles on her back. “Do you remember the Chan case?" He can feel her stiffening up and he assumes she knows what he’s about to say next. “You trusted Miles with everything. All your secrets and your identity even. You had a bond with him that grew out of similar back stories and shared pain. You had loyalty towards him, loved him, because he gave you security and helped you hone your skills.”

He pauses for a moment, trying to find the right way to voice his thoughts. “That’s what Garret did for me. He took me out of a bad place, and he trained me. Made me stronger and faster and smarter. I never considered that HYDRA was the wrong side, because I never had enough information to make up my own mind. And when I did, it was too late, and all I could do was damage control.” He stops rubbing circles and puts his hand under her chin, making her look up at him. “I wish, that it had been Coulson that found me in that prison, because then at least I would have gotten enough information to make my mind up for myself.” He looks up at the ceiling for a moment, “Skye, I’m not saying this to make excuses for myself. The things I did are bad. The worst. But it isn’t so black and white, good versus bad. There are things that influence each decision that you make. For me, Garret was the biggest influence. Until you came along.” 

 

When he finishes talking, Skye makes an excuse, and rushes out the door. He can't really blame her, her head must be a confusing place to be at the moment. Hell, his head wasn’t that much better. He got up from his bed and walked over to the bag Skye had brought him. A smile grew on his face when he saw what was inside. A deck of cards, ‘Battleship’ and 6 books. He hopes he’ll get a chance to play with her again, he still wants his ‘5 out of 9’.

* * *

 

There’s a bright light shining in his eyes when he opens them, so he squeezes them shut again. He doesn’t know where he is, but he’s pretty sure he’s not in the box. He can feel a breeze coming from his left side, and if he focuses, he can sense an open space and a door-sized opening in the room. There are several tubes sticking out of his arms, but again, he doesn’t think they are there to hurt him. He can hear his heart beating steadily beside him, and senses more than hears somebody moving about outside his door.

Slowly he opens his eyes to a familiar sight. On his left, there are several machines measuring his heart rate, blood pressure and brain activity. Behind the machines, there’s a window and next to the window there’s a door. On his right hand side, there are several hospital beds, neatly aligned against the wall, all unoccupied. He vaguely remembers a lot of noise and the ground shaking, and the voice of Hunter. But it’s just bits and pieces, and he can’t make a coherent story of them. What he does know, is that he’s _home_. He can feel it in the atmosphere, smell it in the air.

He has to admit to himself he never thought he would be back here again. Hell, there were times (more than he would like to admit) that he thought he’d dreamed this place. That he figured all the people he cares about, were just figments of his imagination. He knows it were the drugs and the blood loss, but it still leaves a twinge of guilt in his stomach.

A sudden voice from the doorway, startles him out of his musings. He turns his head towards the noise, and can’t help the grin that spreads across his face. He tries to talk, but his throat is so dry, all the sound he can make is a cough. Jemma rushes over to the side table and holds a cup with a straw at his lips. “Careful, small sips” she says as she sees him lunge for the straw eagerly. He takes a small tentative sip and a bigger one after that, because damn, that water feels good.

After a few sips and some more coughs, he finally manages to get some words out. “Aren’t… you …sight … for… sore …. Eyes.” Before he knows what’s happening, Jemma’s already draped herself across his torso to hug him. He can’t help but chuckle a little at that, and he pats her on the back lightly. “Easy there, girl… r’member the tubes,” he manages to get out.

Jemma lets go of him and moves towards the monitors. “You’ve had us worried for a while there, agent Tripplett. I would advise you to not do that again.” She says seriously, but he can hear the relief clearly in the tone of her voice. He chuckles again, the sound still a little hoarse, “I’ll try.. t’ keep that in mind… next t’me a …. Sociopath… in a flower… dress kidnaps…me.”

This earns him a genuine smile from the biochemist. “You better.”


	8. The Door Is Open (But Memories Can’t Harm You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ward takes a few steps in the right direction, and Skye is on a fact-finding mission. Meanwhile, Jemma's trying to face her fear, and Coulson makes a promise (sort of)...

 

CHAPTER 8: The Door Is Open (But Memories Can’t Harm You)

She’s standing in front of the door to the small hangar, hand resting on the handle, but lacking the courage to actually open it. It’s the 3rd night in a row she’s been here, but not once had she actually gone in. The nightmares had started again when Fitz had the med-pod brought in, and Jemma was completely exhausted from the lack of restful sleep. Couple that with the knowledge that Ward was around the base and the search and consequent care of agent Tripplett.. it was all a little much for Jemma to handle.

She’d always thought psychology to be a soft science. Not really a science even, just some hypotheses and a lot of yammering on. But she was tired beyond belief, and no medicine could keep the nightmares at bay. So it was time to try other things. Every night she promised herself that tomorrow would be the day. She would go in and face her fear. And every night she just stood there, ready to open the door, but unable to. This night was no different. She’s just standing there, staring at the door, willing herself to open it, when a voice behind her startles her.

“Simmons? What are you doing?” The voice makes her blood turn to ice in her veins, and she has to suppress the urge to scream. She turns around to see ex-agent Grant Ward standing behind her, a questioning look on his face, worry in his eyes. He looks so much like the Ward _before_ , that she almost lets down her guard. _Almost._ But he’s part of the reason she hasn’t been sleeping, and it’s his fault she has a fear she needs to face. She schools her face into disinterest as best as she can, and shrugs. “Nothing, couldn’t sleep. What are you doing, sneaking around the base at this time of night. Shouldn’t you be locked in your chamber?” Her tone was _slightly_ accusatory, but he didn’t seem to take offence by it.

“Not sneaking,” he says, holding up his arm to show her the bracelet, “I was just doing some late night grocery plundering in the main freezer. I try to do it as late as possible, so I don’t … well, so I don’t bump into anybody and make them uncomfortable. Guess that plan isn’t as airtight as I imagined it was.” He pauses and nods towards the door behind her. “What’s in there, that’s got you so stressed?” Jemma straightens her back and lifts her chin a little higher. “Stressed?,” she says, and the tone of her voice clearly disagrees with her statement, “I’m not stressed. And it’s nothing important. Just the med-pod.”

He nods in understanding, because now he knows why she’s been standing in front of that door for the past 10 minutes. “I know this won’t help, but I want you to know, even if you don’t believe me, that I really am sorry about what I did to you and Fitz. I’m not a good man, Jemma, but I did try to protect you both. If I hadn’t gotten you off the plane, Garret would have put two bullets in your head. I chose the option that would gave you both the best chances of survival.”

He turns around to walk back the way he came, but a hand on his arm stops him. He turns back towards Jemma with a confused look. She’s looking at her feet, shuffling a little from side to side. “You really didn’t know it wouldn’t float?” she asks, her voice suddenly sounding really young. “I didn’t,” he answers her, “I thought you would be knocked out for a while, because of the drop, but it never crossed my mind that the pod wouldn’t just do what it was supposed to. Fitz said something about a broken tube and empty air-tanks.” He stops for a moment, a pensive look crossing over his face. “I’m not sure what I would have done if I’d known about the air-tanks. At least in the water, you had a chance…” his voice drifts off, and Jemma can see he’s back on the Bus, standing in front of the med-pod, trying to see other options.

“You could have not betrayed us..” she says quietly. Even though she doesn’t show it, she also carries around the betrayal of a friend. And she’d considered Ward a real friend, a courtesy she didn’t grant many people. Hell, she considered Ward to be _family_.

A silence descends on the hallway, and both Ward and Jemma get lost in their own mind for a time. “Why’d you jump after me? When I jumped out of the plane? ” She looks up at him again, and he can see genuine confusion in her eyes. “Because you were my friend.” He says simply, and Jemma can’t help but believe him. “I think I’m going to go inside,” she looks at the door and back at him, “it suddenly doesn’t seem so scary anymore.” She turns toward the door, breaths in deeply and disappears behind the cold steel.

* * *

 

When he gets back to his 'apartment', bags of groceries in hand, he spots Coulson on his doorstep. Thinking it can’t be a good thing to have the director of SHIELD on his doorstep at 1 AM, he speeds up his step. “Sir,” he says, alarm in his voice, “is anything wrong? Did something happen?...Is it Skye?” With every question he asks, his anxiety level rises, and it isn’t until he sees the look on Coulson’s face that he’s reassured. He’s certain that if something had happened, Coulson wouldn’t look like he’d just walked on a beam of sunshine. All the tension dissipates from his shoulders, and he drops himself down beside Coulson.

“I just got word from our away teams. The intel you gave us about the 3 HYDRA strongholds was correct. They’ve started their surveillance, and are coming up with a tactical plan to take over. I just thought you should know that.” The older man stops for a moment, staring into the distance. “Fitz came to me yesterday. It seems that he’s jumped back on the Grant Ward band wagon.” Another pause, this one slightly more heavy than the one before.

“To be honest, I’m not sure how to proceed in this situation. A year ago, I would have gladly locked you up in the deepest dungeon we have, and throw away the key. Hell, even 5 months ago I would have been tempted. Now, I’m not sure anymore. I don’t need Didi and Fitz telling me that things are different, because I can see that for myself. I’m just not sure why this change happened, or what you gain from it.”

The tension that had left Ward’s shoulders a few minutes ago, was back in full force. “I guess… The simplest way to describe it… I started thinking for myself. I looked at my options, and chose the one that _felt_ right, instead of listening to somebody _telling_ me what was right. I can’t promise I won’t make mistakes, but I will try, each and every day, to make the right choice. I can only hope that’s enough.”

Coulson nodded. “I hope so, too.” He stood, “I’m not making any promises either, but I will discuss this…situation… with the rest of the team. If they’re willing to move on from the past, then I will too. If they don’t, I’m afraid the only thing I will be able to offer you is free passage out of here, and my word that you are no longer hunted by SHIELD.”

 

* * *

 

Skye was restless. Going over to Ward’s apartment earlier had both been the best and the worst thing she’d done the past week. Apart from saving Tripp, that is. She’d seen the sincerity in his eyes, - and even though she’d been fooled by him before – she believed him. Her reasons for hating him were dwindling by the second, and the reasons she loved him only grew. On the other hand, he’d betrayed their family. He had her trust, something she didn’t give out freely, and he broke it. How is it that she could love a man, but not trust him. Maybe if she knew more about him, the _real_ him, she could try and trust him again.

She made her way out of her bunk, and headed over towards Didi’s for the second time in 4 days. If there’s anybody who could share some insight into a carefree Ward (besides the man himself), it would be Didi. And besides, she was curious about their relationship.

Didi’s dressed in black shorts and a bright yellow tank top when she opens the door to her bunk. A toothbrush is sticking out of her mouth, and the foam around her mouth indicates that Skye interrupted the other woman’s evening ritual. Didi holds up a finger, runs towards the bathroom and spits, before saying, “Are you coming in, or do you prefer the company of the door?”. Skye moves further into Didi’s room, and closes the door. The room had undergone yet another make over, with bright fabric hanging from the west wall, framing a painted landscape. Skye supposed that it was as close to a window as they could get down here. Didi had also put in an ottoman, also draped with colorful linens. It was very clear that Didi wasn’t your typical Specialist.

“So… you’re here about Grant, right?” Didi asks Skye, when she comes back into the main part of the room. Skye nods, and drops down onto the ottoman, which is surprisingly comfortable. “I just want to _understand_ him better. And I figured I’d start with the beginning. Or at least as close to the beginning I can get.” Didi moves over to her bed and sits down as well, a pensive look on her face. “And the reason you’re here asking me, and not him?”

Skye shrugs, “I guess… I guess it’s because I think you knew him better than he even knows himself. And right now, I could use your insights…” She figures her answer is good enough, because Didi’s eyes drift off and Skye can tell she’s looking into the past.

“Like I said, I met Grant when we got put in the same Tactical Assessments class. He was serious and sort of stoic, and never said much. But man, when he did say something, it was very ‘on-the-nose’.” Didi shifts a little on her bed, and puts her pillow behind her back to get comfortable.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry, the Didi and Ward story is going to be in the next chapter... wouldn't want to spoil you guys ;)


	9. Memory Lane (It's Not A Permanent Residence) pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHIELD Academy, 13 years ago...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a little longer, but i'm hoping the contents make up for the tardiness... after all, Rome wasn't built in a day...

_SHIELD Academy, 13 years ago_

The first time Didi saw Grant Ward, she was not impressed. Sure, he was the tall, dark, and handsome type, but his attitude wasn’t consistent with that of your typical 19 year old boy. Not that Didi was particularly into ‘typical teenage boys’, but they did know how to have some fun. If there’s one thing Didi _was_ into, it was fun.

So when she came face to face with her new Tactical Assessments partner, she could instantly tell he wasn’t the R&R type. The only answers he gave her were monosyllabic grunts and even then it was only when the question was pertinent to the task at hand.

During the course of their first 3 work-sessions, Didi at least got Grant to do more than just growl at her, expanding his vocabulary to include words with at least 3 syllables. He even replied with full sentences if she asked something. Didi suspected though, that his new found chatty-ness had less to do with her than it did with the assignment they were working on. It did count for 70% of their grade and Grant was nothing if not motivated.

He was never late to a meeting and was often left waiting around for Didi to finally show up. Once, he even physically dragged Didi from her dorm room, and she ended up in a 4 hour strategizing session wearing nothing but a white tank top, pajama shorts with dancing elephants, and flip-flops. He’d at least been kind enough to loan her his sweater when her lips had started turning blue.

One day, about 3 weeks after they started working together, things finally came to a head between the two partners.

“Oh, get over yourself. If every single op is done ‘by the book’ none of them would ever work. You seriously think the bad guys can’t freaking _read_?” Didi stood from her chair and dropped the SHIELD handbook on the table with a loud bang. It was a good thing they had rented a study-booth, because the noise the book made would have been very inappropriate in the library.

“Carol, there’s a reason they _make_ the textbook, you know. So agents don’t just go in halfcocked and get themselves blown to bits. We’ve got a mission objective, and we stick to it.” The finality that was in his voice was unmistakable, and Didi was sure he figured that would be the end of this discussion. But there were things Grant Ward didn’t know about Didi Danvers – mainly because he never bothered to ask her anything – and one of those things was that she didn’t back down. Ever.

“So, you’re saying that if you were really out in the field, you wouldn’t even try to rescue prisoners, if it wasn’t your mission objective? What about ‘leave no man behind’?” she crossed her arms in front of her chest and frowned at her study partner.

“This isn’t the military, Carol. When we go out on a mission, it’s been planned by people who’ve got years of experience. If they plan a mission, I’m sure they’ve accounted for all the variables and did the assessments. It’s risks versus rewards. It’s not our place to question that.” He scowled back at her, their eyes locking, neither of them backing down.

“There are some variables you can’t account for, _Grant_. And a human life is always worth saving.” She sighed and picked up her jacket. “I think we should freeze this conversation for next time, sleep on it. See ya later, stick-in-the-mud.” She waved her fingers at him and turned towards the door. Before walking through it she said, “And for god’s sake, call me Didi.”

* * *

 

The first time Didi invited Ward over to a poker game was mostly out of pity (and a little out of self-preservation). She’d noticed he didn’t seem to have friends to hang out with. Not that she was all that surprised, Ward wasn’t exactly known for his ‘sunny disposition’ and his inability to engage in small talk was widely known throughout Spec-Ops.

The only thing he seemed to do, besides studying, was work out. She’d spotted him running track a few times, when she was sneaking off to meet with friends at ‘The Boiler Room’ on Friday nights. And a few times she’d caught him working on his cross jabs and footwork on Saturday, when everybody else was either at the pool, going to the pool, or recovering from a hangover.

Didi found it very difficult, working with Ward and all his uptightness, and it was driving her mad. So she decided to invite him over to her dorm for a ‘study session’.

The look on Ward’s face was priceless, when he realized that his and Didi’s definition of ‘studying’ was very different. His usually blank expression showed signs of panic, and his eyes kept looking around for possible exits.

“Didi, there are other people here.” He said, panic and trepidation clear in his voice. Didi looked around her room, a questioning look in her eyes. “Really? Other people? You’re kidding.” she said, while still looking around and ignoring everybody else in the room. When she saw confusion on Ward’s face, she slapped his arm. “It’s called _sarcasm_ , Ward. Maybe you should look it up in the dictionary. And while you’re at it, maybe look up ‘clueless’ as well, but don’t be surprised when you see your picture beside it.” She watched his panic make way for anger, and he straightened his shoulders as if to say, ‘bring it on’.

She stepped a little further into the room and put her hands over her mouth. “Yo, everybody! This is Ward. He’s my TA partner. He’s here to get a lesson in ‘normal social interaction’, because apparently he was sick the day they taught that lesson in school.” This earned her some laughs from her friends and a scowl from Ward. Didi ignored the glares Ward shot at her, in favor of introductions.

“Those two, over there,” she pointed towards two identical girls, “are Sara and Emma. Don’t ask me who is who, because I don’t know. I don’t think even _they_ know.” The two brunettes on the bed giggled and waved their fingers at Ward. “Don’t let their innocent looks fool you, they are extremely good at finding out ‘tells’, and they’re masters of manipulation. Their talents are definitely not wasted in Psy-Ops.”

Then she nodded towards a bulky guy standing by the makeshift bar, pouring an amber colored liquor into a red solo cup. “That’s Cameron, but we usually call him ‘Bulk’.” Didi figured that nickname didn’t need clarification. “He’s Spec-Ops, but he clearly doesn’t spend as much time at the gym as you. He’s a bitchin’ poker player though.” The big guy held out his cup in greeting, before tipping it backwards and chugging it.

Didi was just about to pull Ward towards the hexagonal card table that was in the middle of her room when the door to her room opened and the delicious smell of fresh baked pizza filled the space.

“Hot pie, coming through.” a voice said from behind the pizza tower. The guy stepped in between Ward and Didi and put the stack on the table. “Oh Didi, he called you ‘hot pie’ isn’t that cute,” one of the twins giggled, and Didi watched Walter’s ears turn red.

She turned towards Ward again. “That is Walter. He’s probably smarter than all of us combined, and he isn’t shy about letting us know that. He’s a terrible poker player though, so we mostly invite him for the free pizza and the easy money.” Didi winked at Walter when she said this and his ears turned an even darker shade of red.

Didi clapped her hands, “Okay people, time to put some money on the table.” She pulled Ward forward and pushed him down on a chair next to her. “So, the game is Texas Hold’em, and the buy in is $10.”

Ward shifted in his seat a little uncomfortable. “Didi… I’ve never played this game before. I don’t really know how to play.” Didi looked at him thoughtfully for a second before grabbing a piece of paper and writing something down. She slid the note over to Ward. “This is your cheat sheet. These are winning combinations, starting with the least valuable. Each player gets 2 cards, and there are 5 cards in the middle. You have to attempt to make one of the combinations, and the highest combo wins the round. Before each group of cards is turned over, you have to either bet the same amount as the player before you, place a higher bet or fold. You can try to make everybody fold by bluffing, but I think we’ll start with just the basics for now. Just, try not to go broke too fast, okay?”

Didi was always very talkative, and her friends were much like her in that aspect. During the game they fired question after question at Ward, going from innocent things _“What’s your favorite subject?”_ to more personal, _“So, what’s your type of girl?_ ” to downright scandalous, _“Lights on, or off?”_ All Didi could do though, was roll her eyes at the antics of her friends, and assure Ward he had no obligation to answer.

“So Ward, how many languages do you speak?” Bulk asked him after a while. He might not be the fittest of the future Specialists, but he was always looking for another way to one-up his fellow trainees. Ward looked thoughtful for a moment, as if mentally counting the languages. “Uhm… currently I speak English, French, Russian and Spanish. But I’m studying Mandarin and Italian as well.” He picked up his cards again, and frowned. “Oh, and I also know international sign language. I think that might come in handy at one point.”

The room fell silent as Didi and her friends all gaped at Ward. All eyes were on the new guy, and Didi could tell that Ward was getting uncomfortable. After a beat of silence, the whole table burst out in laughter. This obviously confused Ward even more. Didi placed a hand on his shoulder and tried to talk in between hiccups. “Oh…My…God… He’s got a sense of humor.”

Just when it seemed like they were calming down, Walter said, “Sign language…handy!” and the laughter started up again.

Afterwards, Didi explained to Ward what was so funny about the comment, and for the first time since she met Ward, she saw his lips turn up in a small smile.

* * *

 

_The Playground, present day_

Skye was listening raptly to Didi’s stories. There were things that she recognized in Ward, like his ‘by the book’ attitude (although she wasn’t exactly sure if it had been the HYDRA or the SHIELD book) and his penchant for training at any given time.

“So… does that mean he didn’t always like games?” Skye asks and Didi bursts out laughing. “Of all the questions you could have asked, that’s the one you go with?” Skye just nods, she really can’t wrap her mind around all of the other things she heard from Didi, so focusing on the small details seems like the move to make.

Didi shrugs, “Well, given what I know now, about his past, I’d say he didn’t really have the opportunity to actually play games with anybody before. You know, he never really said much about his life before the Academy, just vague references every once in a while.” Didi’s eyes drift off a little. “We should have seen it. If we had, maybe all this could have been prevented.” She shakes her head, as if to shake away the thoughts and she feels Skye’s hand on her arm. “Don’t take on blame you don’t deserve. The only ones who are to blame for what happened, are the Wards, Garret and Grant himself.”

Didi nods and Skye leans back against the wall. “So… how did he go from being the totally naïve and clueless stick-in-the-mud to that guy in the picture?”

Didi smiles, “Oh Skye… we haven’t even gotten to the good part yet.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter would not have been possible without Eedmund, who patiently corrected all of my mistakes and helped my struggle through the plots. Without the guidence provided, this chapter wouldn't be nearly as finished and focused at it is now. Also, everybody check out 'An Honest Conversation' if you haven't already, and also Oscar the grouch, both excellent pieces of fiction!
> 
> Also a shout out to Lily1986, for giving me the idea to delve into the Didi/Ward backstory... I hope this lives up to your imagination!


	10. Memory Lane (It's Not A Permanent Residence) pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody's first time at 'The Boiler Room' makes for some fun memories... But SHIELD Academy isn't all fun and games...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the Ward/Didi background story

_SHIELD Academy, 12 years ago..._

 

The first time Didi took Ward to ‘The Boiler Room’ he was not amused. She had come by his dorm room and just dragged him out. He’d been so surprised, he didn’t even react until they were already halfway towards the Sci-Ops building.

“What the hell are you doing Didi?” He asked her, a scowl on his face and his arms crossed over his chest. She just shrugged, “You’re coming with me to the twins’ birthday party. You know, _normal people_ RSVP to events such as birthdays and anniversaries but we’ll forgive you just this once. You’re still learning after all.”

Ward’s scowl deepened. “You ever stop to consider that the reason I didn’t RSVP is that I didn’t want to come to this party?” Didi cocked her head to the side. “No, I didn’t. Because you don’t just _not_ show up to a friend’s birthday party. That’s just rude.” She grabbed his arm again and started pulling, but Ward wouldn’t budge.

“It would be, but they’re _your_ friends, not mine.” Didi turned to face him fully, and poked a finger in his chest. “What do you mean, they are _my_ friends? You’ve been spending every Friday night with us for the past 2 months: you spar with Bulk, you accidentally flirt with the twins and you play chess with Walter. Newsflash, Academy-drone, you made friends.”

Didi’s claim stunned Ward so much, he let her pull him forward without resisting. He probably didn’t even notice they’d started moving again, until they were standing before the door to ‘The Boiler Room’.

Without letting go of Ward’s arm, Didi opened the door to the legendary Sci-Ops bar. The music that spilled into the quiet hallway was proof of how much work had gone into this secret club. Well, Didi supposed it wasn’t all that secret, but as long as the teachers pretended it was, it was fine by her.

She pushed Ward ahead of her, so he didn’t have a chance of bolting and together they made their way through the mass of gyrating bodies. Didi noticed the stiff set of Ward’s shoulders and the way his eyes kept darting around the dimly lit room. “It’s just a club, Ward. Nobody’s going to jump you.”

The words had only just left her mouth, when 2 streaks of brown came bursting through the crowd, almost tackling Ward. Two sets of arms wrapped around his neck and two identical voices started screaming, “Ohmygodyoucame!” One of the twins said, not even bothering to pause in between words. Didi saw Ward squirming to get out of the embrace, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. It actually looked adorable.

“Uhm, yeah,” he shrugged as best he could, with the twins still attached to him. They let go of his neck, but immediately latched onto his arms. “C’mon, we’ve got a booth over there.” Didi followed the group, slightly grinning. In her head, she called it the ‘Ward effect’. Everything she (and by extension their friends) made him do seemed so new to him. Playing games for fun? Going out? Laughing? It was like he’d never got a chance to do that before and his almost childlike wonder at certain things was both hilarious and endearing. It was definitely a stark contrast to the Ward she’d met that first day in class.

She arrived at the booth just in time to hear the rest say their hellos to Ward. When Walter saw her though, he turned his attention away from the greetings. “Oh Didi, finally. So, do we get to open this mystery box now?” he said, pointing towards a square cake-box that was sitting on the corner of the table. It looked to be untouched still and Didi was glad for that. She’d warned Walter to keep the lid on it (definite pun intended) until everybody was present. “I’m getting a little hungry.” Walter’s eyes wandered back towards the box and he licked his lips.

Didi had to fight her laughter when she opened the box and revealed … not a cake. In the box, there was a saltshaker, some limes and 6 custom shot glasses. The look of utter disappointment in both Walter and Bulk’s eyes was priceless. Didi cocked an eyebrow at them, “What? I’m a Specialist, not Martha freaking Stewart.”

She slid into the booth next to Ward and started pulling out the shot glasses. Then she took out her knife and started cutting the limes in parts. “Okay guys, let’s order us some Tequila and get this night started.”

Nobody listened to Ward’s protests of not drinking and Didi kept filling up his glass. After about ¾ of a bottle, somebody (Didi was not sure, but she suspects it was Sara.. or Emma) suggested they start a round of ‘Never have I ever’. Admittedly, the game was only mildly better than ‘Truth or Dare’, but if you wanted to get shitfaced nothing was better.

So she poured another round, ordered a new bottle and divided another lime. Then she turned to Ward, “So I’m assuming you don’t know this game,” he nodded slowly, like it took him a lot of effort. “Somebody will make a statement, starting with ‘never have I ever…’ if you have done that particular thing, you have to drink. So for instance,” she said, and turned back towards the table, “Never have I ever turned 20.” Sara and Emma picked up their glasses and toasted each other before clocking back their drink and biting down on the lime. Didi turned towards Ward and saw the confusion in his eyes.

“So… If I did turn 20 already, I drink?” Didi nodded, and her eyes grew wide as she watched Ward pick up his glass and empty it. “When the hell did you turn 20?” she asked him. He shrugged, “two weeks ago.. my birthday is January 6th.” Didi let out an exasperated sigh. “And you didn’t tell us? We’re your friends, Ward, we wouldn’t have let your birthday go by without celebrating.” Ward lifted his shoulders in another shrug. “I didn’t know I had friends to share that with. Besides, it’s not the first time I didn’t get a celebration. It’s all good Didi.” He lifted his glass again, a sign for her to refill it.

He was clearly already too drunk to be yelled at (or at least remember that he had been yelled at) so Didi decided to save that particular tirade for some other time.

The rounds of ‘Never have I ever’ started out innocent and fun: “ _Never have I ever stolen a Christmas tree.” “Never have I ever gotten a ticket for speeding.” “Never have I ever been grounded.” “Never have I ever been drunk at a party.”_ But soon the booze really kicked in, and the questions asked, weren’t really the questions _meant_.

Didi had started it, and she would probably come to regret that move later on. “Never have I ever gotten a _hidden_ spot inked.” She watched Sara and Walter pick up their glass and to her surprise Ward also tipped his backwards. “You’ve got a dirty tattoo?” she whispered to him. He raised his eyebrow in question, “You didn’t say _dirty_ , you said _hidden_. Mine is hidden, most of the time.” His hand dropped to the hem of his shirt and he lifted it up a bit. There, on his ribcage there was a tiny black mark but it was too dark to make out what it was exactly. She lifted her head and met his – slightly clouded – eyes. “Not exactly what I mean, but okay.”

Next up was Sara, who wasn’t too pleased with Didi for ‘outing’ her. Now that Bulk knew she had a tattoo hidden somewhere, he would probably never stop bothering her about it. “Never have I ever… had an AH-MAYYYY-ZING walk through the Academy Park.” She put a special kind of emphasis on the ‘amazing’ bit and her eyes twinkled with satisfaction when Didi raised her glass. But again, Ward surprised her by lifting his glass as well. “I’ve been a the park…’s great for runs.” He slurred his words, and Didi had no other choice but to laugh. “Again,” she told him, “not really what Sara meant. But that doesn’t matter.”

Ward kept misunderstanding the questions, and by the end of the night, he was so drunk Didi wondered how he was able to remain upright. _“Never have I ever eaten cookie.” (No Ward, not_ a _cookie, just cookie…) “Never have I ever played with the snake” (Not a literal snake, dude.. and who the hell keeps a pet rattlesnake?) “Never have I ever dipped the hotdog into the mayo.” (That one you don’t drink on?)_

“Okay big guy, I think it’s time for you to say bye-bye and go to bed. C’mon,” Didi said, while pulling on Ward’s arm. Drunk Ward turned out to be less of a drag (literally) but more whiney than she would have imagined. He kept complaining about the cold, the leaves on the grass, the people at the bar... Didi was kind of relieved when they arrived at his dorm room. “D’di,” he said while leaning heavily against his door, “c’n I make ‘nother n’vr thing?” She nodded. ‘N’vr have..I ev’r really kissss’d a girl.”

Didi’s jaw dropped at that. Okay, Ward wasn’t really a social butterfly and if what he’d said about his birthday was true, he never had been. But he was very good looking and had an air of mystery around him, that would attract many an airhead. He was still leaning against his door, looking like he was about to pass out at any second. Didi paused for only a split second, before leaning in and kissing him deeply.

His eyes popped open again and when the kiss ended he looked at her questioningly. “W’y d’ you do tha’?” he asked her, his hands going up to his lips. She shrugged, “Just helping out a friend, that’s what they are for.” She turned around and started walking; only looking back once to wink at him. He was still up against his door, his hair a little mussed from Didi’s hands and a look of wonder on his face.

* * *

 

The first time Didi realized she felt more for Grant Ward than just platonic friendship was during their mission field test.

Instead of final exams, second year Spec-ops students went through a series of assessment tests. There was an aerial fight simulation, an undercover fact finding mission (disguised as a game for the civilians involved), a drop in another country to test lingual and problem solving skills and finally a simulated field mission. Failure to complete any of the tests would result in the immediate exclusion from the program.

Didi had easily aced the first 3 tests and she’d heard that both Ward and Bulk had also passed their assessments. She knew little to nothing about the rest of her friends but that was hardly a surprise. Both the twins and Walter each had their own op-specific evaluations to struggle through and had been pretty much locked in their dorms or labs since classes ended. Didi wasn’t worried though. There was no doubt in her mind that their motley crew would still be intact come September.

The final test she and her fellow Spec-op-ers had to go through was a simulated team mission. Even though it was important for Specialists to be able to rely on only themselves, it was equally important they could function in a team if need be. This meant though that one person’s misstep during the op could snowball and lead to the expulsion of the entire team. That raised the stakes just a little more.

Didi got her mission specifics a few days after she got back from Croatia. It was an infiltrate and terminate mission, much like the one she and Ward had written their TA assignments about. They were to infiltrate a hostile facility, retrieve the required intel and blow the place up, all within the hour. Operatives who did not make it out of the facility alive before ‘detonation’ would be cut from the program.

Didi was made team leader based on her scores during the other tests and she was disappointed to realize neither of her friends were on her team. She supposed that should have made her happy, because that would mean they had received high scores too, but it made her a little more nervous about this mission. She trusted Bulk and Ward and to Didi, that was an essential part of being a team.

Her team wasn’t bad though. She was on a first name basis with both Malory and Ethan even though they didn’t really travel in the same circles. She knew they were smart and skilled though, so it shouldn’t be a problem. The third team member, Tony, she’d not met before but she’d seen him around the mess a few times. He seemed solid and dependable.

The final member of her team worried her a little though. Word around the yard was that Lisa had difficulty obeying orders and loved to cause a scene, but since Didi hadn’t met her yet, it was hard to tell if she would be an asset or a liability to the team. If the rumors were true, Didi wondered why Lisa was still in the program, but with ‘Pierce’ for a last name it really wasn’t all that surprising. Didi only hoped that Lisa wouldn’t turn out to be such a problem that it would cost another member their place within the program.

There were 2 teams ahead of Didi’s for the test, and she took the time to go over the mission specs with her team. Both Tony and Malory had excellent close-quarter combat skills, so they would take the front and the rear of the infiltration team. Based on shooting-skills Didi and Lisa were in charge of cover fire. Ethan was the one who would actually hack the computers for the information. All in all, Didi felt confident in her team’s ability to succeed in the course.

Their run went almost perfectly. They got in fast and silent and made it to the computer room in less than 10 minutes. Detonators placed is strategic places along their route would guarantee maximal destruction without having to cross through the entire building. Everything went according to plan, up until Lisa decided that Didi’s tactics weren’t good enough. She left the safety of the formation and got herself shot by the ‘enemy’. Before she went down (those beanbag shots could really pack a punch) she fired a burst of rounds into a support beam.

Didi and her team effectively ended the remaining enemies and got Lisa out with just 6.12 minutes to spare. Lisa was sent off to the medical bay to get the bruises looked at and the rest of the team settled in to watch the next team make their run.

Her breath caught when she saw both Ward and Bulk in the next team. She could tell by the posture of the people in the team that Ward was team captain.  
Their strategy during the run was similar to that of Didi’s, placing the bombs along the way, rather than splitting the team up. Their formation was slightly different than hers, but equally effective.

The run they did was practically perfect, until they reached the point where Didi’s mission went south. The opponent hidden in that hallway made another appearance and Bulk fired 4 rounds, 2 hitting the enemy and 2 hitting the support beam again. Given the fact that this was an old building and it had already seen plenty of damage it shouldn’t have surprised Didi that the beam gave out. But it did. She watched in horror as the beam crumbled with Bulk standing under it and then he wasn’t anymore.

Her eyes grew wide when she spotted Ward dragging Bulk away from the rubble and towards the exit. He’d ordered the rest of his team to go ahead, place the bombs and detonate if he wasn’t back within 5 minutes. Ward and Bulk came tumbling out of the building 4.50 minutes after their team and 15 seconds before the hour was up.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

It took almost 2 days before Didi saw either Ward or Bulk again. They had been kept in the infirmary because of the concussions they had. The ammo during the test might have been bean bag rounds, but concrete was still concrete after all.

She was beside his bed when Ward woke up in the morning. “Hi,” he said softly, knowing full well that loud noises were bad for concussions, “what’r ya doing here?” Didi beamed at him and pulled out a stack of papers. “I wanted to show you our revised TA paper.” This earned her a confused look from Ward. Or well, a _more_ confused look. “What’d ya mean, revised?”

“Well, you can’t expect me to hand in a paper that’s so _by the book_ it’s embarrassing, after that totally _not_ by the book rescue you pulled during the field test. So I … tweaked it a little.” She flashed a grin and her eyes sparkled with mischief. “And the best part? Deadline was,” she took a glance at her watch, “10 hours ago.”

She laughed quietly when Ward groaned, gave him a peck on the cheek and practically danced out of the hospital room.

When they got the assignment back a few days later, Didi couldn’t help but gloat about the big fat A they had gotten.

Her smirk fell however, when Ward marched up to her, planted a searing kiss on her lips and walked away again. This time leaving Didi standing there with that look of wonder on her face.

* * *

 

_The Playground, present day_

Skye’s laughter interrupts Didi before she can continue into another story. “Oh god, Ward drunk must have been _sooo_ funny!” Didi winks at her. “Yeah he was. But don’t get roped into strip-poker while he’s drunk, because even _that_ inebriated, he was still the master at poker faces.” She pauses for a second and her eyes start twinkling. “On second thought, you totally should let yourself get roped into that.”

Skye laughed harder and she almost fell from the ottoman. “If I ever get the chance, I totally will.” Then she gets serious again. “So, he saved your friend from being cut out of the program… yeah, that’s something I could definitely see Bus-Ward do.”

Didi nods, “What he did during that mission, it showed how loyal he is and how high he valued the friendships he made. But that was while we were in school. The real world? That’s a whole other thing altogether.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my wonderful beta Eedmund, for correcting those silly mistakes (yes 'comma' i'm talking about you!) and for not letting my rants go to far :)
> 
> Any and all mistakes that are still present are totally mine.


	11. Memory Lane (It's Not A Permanent Residence) pt 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Didi and Ward start their romance... and end it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, but this chapter kicked my ass so badly...

Memory Lane Pt 3

_SHIELD Academy, 12 years ago_

The first time Didi and Ward went on a date, a _real_ date, was during their summer semester. Both she and Ward had opted to stay in school and take extra classes as opposed to going home, each having their own reasons not to leave. Their friends did have families though and they had left for home as soon as the Spring semester had ended.

Didi had hoped to spend the Summer semester with Ward, but he’d been suspiciously AWOL since he’d kissed her a few days ago. Whenever she tried to talk to him, he’d find an excuse and just run off. She only got glimpses of him during classes, but he didn’t sit with her, didn’t walk with her and barely even looked at her. A few times though, she caught him walking in her direction only to stop partway, shake his head, and turn around again.

Honestly, Didi was disappointed because she’d thought that after he kissed her they would become more than _just_ friends. She could admit to herself that she’d been falling for the stoic Academy-drone turned friend ever since the night of the twins’ birthday party. She had figured he felt the same because of the kiss but he’d been ignoring her ever since.

Obviously there was a problem with her logic, because it’s pretty hard to date somebody who won’t even talk to you. She didn’t know exactly _what_ the problem was though. Did he just not feel anything for her? Did he think it was a mistake, kissing her? She would ask him, or maybe ask him out, but then he’d actually have to be in her presence for more than 2 seconds.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Didi’s chance came when she spotted Ward literally punching the stuffing out of a bag one night. The rest of the gym was mercifully empty and Didi wasn’t one to waste an opportunity. She came up behind him as quietly as possible, not wanting to give him the chance to hurry away. When she was standing about 4 feet behind him, she finally spoke. “I don’t know what the bag ever did to you, but it must have been slightly less offensive than what I did. Because I’d take fighting over being ignored any day of the week.”

Ward was so startled to hear her voice, his next punch completely missed the bag and he had to grab it to keep from toppling over. He let go of it once he got his bearings back and Didi could spot the exact moment his defenses went up. His back became ramrod straight and his shoulders squared, but he didn’t turn.

“I’ve not been ignoring you,” he ground out, his voice carefully devoid of emotion, “I’ve been… busy. That’s all.” Didi took a few steps closer to him. “Busy my ass. You’ve been acting weird and skittish and you always seem to have someplace to be, even though you _never_ leave your freaking dorm room.”

She put her hand on his arm, willing him to turn to her but he did not react the way she thought he would. Instead of just turning around to face her, he grabbed her wrist with his other hand and twisted around so her arm was pressed painfully behind her back. Didi let out a small cry of surprise and pain and Ward stepped back instantly. When Didi turned to face him there was turmoil and regret in his brown eyes and he was shaking.

Didi held up her hands as if to calm a spooked horse and gently moved closer to him. “Hey. It’s okay, it’s okay. Nothing happened, you just surprised me that’s all.” The troubled look vanished slowly but the regret seemed to stay behind. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, trying to control the shaking in both his hands and his voice, “I’m not… I don’t… when I can’t see, everything is a threat.” He hung his head in defeat, but Didi’s fingers under his chin made him look at her. “It’s okay,” she whispered softly and she wrapped her arms around him resting her head on his chest.

They stood like that for a moment, until Ward’s shaking stopped and then she pulled back a little. “So, how about you and me blow this popsicle stand and go grab something to eat?” Her tone was normal and cheery, as if nothing had happened. Didi was good at that, pretending nothing was wrong when something happened. She’d learned that from dear old dad.

The last of the guilt disappeared from Ward’s eyes and were replaced with a shy trepidation. “You want to go have dinner with me?” Didi nodded solemnly. “I’ve been trying to ask you out for _days_ now, you big oaf! But you just kept coming up with excuses and I haven’t been able to get a word in edgewise.” Ward’s jaw dropped at that and he shut it with an audible snap. Then his cheeks reddened and he looked down at his feet. “I’ve been… trying to find a way to ask you out too, but I … I was afraid you’d say no. I don’t have that many friends to spare and I didn’t want to risk our friendship…”

Didi took his hand and pulled him in the direction of the showers. “Well, consider this me saying yes. Go get cleaned up and pick me up at my dorm at 7.”

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

As Didi was getting ready, she thought back about the strange behavior Ward had shown over the past few days. In the light of what she now knew, his actions made slightly more sense. But what it really came down to was confidence. For all the amazingness that was Grant Ward, his looks and his brain, the fierce loyalty he showed and his slightly dark humor; his confidence was severely lacking. It pained Didi to think about what might have caused that kind of self-doubt, not to mention the minute triggering of his fight-or-flight reaction. She’d never ask him about it though, because he’d tell her if he wanted her to know. After all, she wasn’t exactly forthcoming with her past either. The only thing Didi could think of doing was making sure that Grant’s confidence in himself grew.

So, when they were walking into town together, she pulled his right hand out from where it was deeply embedded in his pocket and put it around her shoulder. She, in turn, put her left arm behind his back, nestled her hand in his back pocket and entwined her right hand with his. She didn’t comment on this, just kept talking about the classes and the assignments and after a few moments the tenseness that was in Ward’s shoulders dissipated.

By the time they reached the bottom of the hill that lay between the Academy and the town, his body was relaxed and loose and a small smile was splayed on his lips.

“So… pizza or Chinese?,” Didi asked him when they arrived in the town. It was a small town, with few places to really hang out. There was no fast food imperium _yet_ , and the choices for food were limited. There was a pizza place run by a retired SHIELD agent and his sister, a Chinese restaurant that might have some health department issues but made the best Kung-Pao Chicken and some snooty little faux-French restaurant that had neither style nor edible food.

After a lot of hemming and hawing, Ward finally decided to go with something new, since he’d never really had Chinese food before. Instead of eating inside the restaurant though, Didi opted for take-out and dragged Ward with her halfway up the hill again.

His eyes bugged out of his head when Didi pulled a blanket, 2 plastic cups and a bottle of wine from her purse. “Is that thing bottomless?” he asked her as he eyed the bag suspiciously. Didi just laughed and dropped down on the blanket. When Ward sat down across from her, leaving nearly two feet of space between them, Didi shook her head. “You know, there’s a reason we didn’t eat at the restaurant, with a table between us. And it isn’t so you could sit that far away from me.” She got up on her knees and shuffled over to him, nestling herself so close she was practically in his lap.

“You can touch me, you know,” she said softly, “I won’t disappear and I don’t bite… well, not unless specifically asked.” She flashed him a dimpled grin and leaned into his side. His arm came up, first towards her shoulder, then her waist and then back up to her shoulder again, like he didn’t quite know what to do with it. Which was probably the case. Didi grabbed his hand and pulled his arm tight around her waist weaving her fingers through his over her stomach.

After the food was gone, Ward and Didi sat and talked. Didi could tell he was getting more comfortable with the new one-on-one dynamic they had. His touches were tentative at first, a simple brush against her arm, a soft tap on her leg, a shy kiss on her cheek but with each encouraging nod from Didi they grew more secure. Ward brushed stray hairs back behind her ears and his fingers traced nonsensical patterns on her shoulder.

It was the kissing though, that showed the biggest change in him. Didi initiated them at first, slowly letting him get used to the way her tongue moved with and against his. He was a quick study though, and after a few simple ones, it was Ward who deepened them. Didi’s neck started to hurt because of the awkward position it was in, so she lifted up a little and sat gently down again, straddling him. Ward broke the kiss for a second, a question burning in his eyes, but Didi captured his lips again in silent answer.

Ward’s left hand, first firmly placed on her lower back, started to roam upwards, past her shoulders and nestled in Didi’s hair. The right one was still on her back, but it was obvious to Didi that he was trying very hard to keep it there. Without breaking the kiss she led his hand down to brush over her ass, then over her thigh and up to her bosom. The invitation was clear and Ward’s hand started moving across her body without guidance. His touch was gentle and when his thumb moved across her budding nipple a small groan escaped from Didi’s mouth. She arched her back and rolled her hips slightly in response.

Didi released his lips and moved his head down to her neck and towards her breasts, encouraging him to explore with his mouth as well as his hands. Every kiss he placed on her neck and on the swell of her breasts elicited a sound of pleasure from Didi and a few times she caught a look of amazement in his eyes. As if he didn’t really believe that his hands, capable of hurting, could also bring forth _that_ kind of sound.

He made his own sounds of delight when Didi’s hands moved from his shoulders to his hair and then down over his torso towards his abdomen. She felt a shiver running up his spine when her hands dipped under his shirt and scratched lightly over his stomach and lower back. Her mouth found his neck as well and she traced his pulse point with her tongue.

She backed away from him a little, breath coming out in heavy pants. “Grant… If this is going to fast… we don’t…,” he silenced her with a searing kiss before pulling back. His eyes were dark with want and even thought there were traces of insecurity and fear, she could see the desire burning in the brown of his irises. “Didi,” he breathed, “I.. I want this, so badly. But what if… .” This time it was Didi’s turn to stop his talking with a kiss. “No what ifs. Just you and me… and no rush.” She dropped her hands from under his shirt and lifted it up and over his head. Then she took his hands and put them on the hem of her own blouse.

Didi pushed softly against his chest and Ward fell backwards, taking her with him.

* * *

 

_The Playground, present day_

“Okay, I so didn’t need to hear that.” Skye says to Didi, interrupting her story telling. Didi laughs when she sees the way Skye’s face is all scrunched up. “Well, if it makes you feel better, it was the PG-13 version.” She replies laughingly. “I just wanted to show you, that what happened to Grant while he was growing up had lasting consequences on every part of him, not just his work.”

Skye nods at Didi. It’s strange to hear the stories of a younger and much more insecure Ward. Didi’s tales show clearly that he was damaged before he became friends with Didi and that her friendship and love helped him heal. “But how did he go from  _that guy_ to Garrett’s puppet again?”

* * *

 

_The HUB, 10 years ago_

The first time Didi and Ward went on a mission together, it was both a success and a failure, depending on who you asked about it later. SHIELD would definitely classify it as a win, but Didi personally wouldn’t state it that way.

Didi was sitting at her desk, nervously tapping her nails on the surface and counting the hours until 4 PM. It was the last day of her probationary period, a standard 6 months of desk duty for every Academy graduate. All that was left now was a final performance eval and Didi would be cleared to go in the field. Bobbi had assured her that the final eval shouldn’t be more than a formality in Didi’s case. She’d shown flexibility and creativity when doing analysis and her training had been going perfectly.

But as the clock neared 4, Didi’s nerves began spiking. So much was riding on her final performance review. It was a make or break moment for every graduate’s career. Get a bad review and your chances of ever being a field operative dropped down to less than 5%. Chances of getting a clearance level above 3 were even less than that. Basically, fail your final performance and you might as well leave SHIELD and go work at your local fast food restaurant.

She also wondered how Grant’s review had been. He’d been scheduled at 2 PM but she hadn’t heard from him yet. She wasn’t worried about him though, his SO John had said he was a shoo-in for Solo ops and might even get a Level 4 clearance right off the bat. Didi didn’t really care for John all that much, but he was a well-liked and respected operative within SHIELD and his endorsement meant a great deal to Grant.

Didi was so wrapped up in her thoughts and barely staving off a panic attack, she didn’t even notice it when Bobbi came up beside her. When the older woman put her hand on Didi’s shoulder, she practically jumped out of her skin. “Wow, rookie, that looked suspiciously like startling. Not a good reaction for a probationary agent about to get her final eval.” Bobbi said, and when she saw the terrified look on Didi’s face, she started laughing. “Don’t worry Didi,” she chuckled, “I’ve got it on good authority that you’ll pass with flying colors. But if we don’t head in there now, you’ll get the ‘tardy’ reputation.”

Bobbi and Didi walked slowly towards the room where the evals took place. Every step she took felt heavy and Didi found herself involuntarily slowing her pace even further. “ _Like sheep to slaughter”_ she thought.

When she entered the room though, the scene before her was not the one she was expecting. Instead of just agent Maria Hill, there were several other high ranking agents in the room, all standing around papers that looked like building schematics. She spotted agent Garrett and agent Coulson among the ones captivated by the papers.

The door shut with a thump, causing several heads to look up, including agent Hill’s. She smiled a tight smile that didn’t even come close to reaching her eyes and motioned Didi forward. “Agent Danvers, I’m sorry you don’t get a formal evaluation, but pressing matters have arisen. Take a seat, you’re now a level 4 SHIELD agent. Congratulations.”

Somebody handed Didi her new ID badge, shiny and new, sporting ‘Level 4’ in bold, black lettering. She dropped down in the nearest chair and stared blankly at the new ID. After all the worrying and fretting (she hardly had any nails left) she didn’t even get a formal review. No _‘these are things you need to work on’_ or _‘you excel at this or that’_. Nope… Not even a word about her 6 months of walking these halls. Just a badge. Didi realizes she should be grateful. She’s a level 4 agent… _already._ Most Academy graduates get a level 2 after their probation, in rare cases somebody got away with level 3. But level 4? That was unheard of.

A hand moved into her peripheral vision and came to rest on her leg. She looked up to see Grant, sitting in the chair beside her, a level 4 badge hanging from his collar. He squeezed her leg, a silent way to reassure her, and she smiled. She clipped the new badge to the bottom of her jacket before taking Grant’s hand in hers. She had no idea what was going on here, but that shouldn’t be all that surprising, it was SHIELD after all. But, she wasn’t alone and she took comfort out of that.

“Alright people, listen up.” Agent Maria Hill was a commanding woman, and the entire room went perfectly quiet. At only 26 she was the youngest level 7 operative in SHIELD history, notorious for her strong take on the rules and her unyielding loyalty towards SHIELD. Of course, having the deputy director as your SO was also a benefit. “This,” she pointed towards the SMART-board that now showed a picture of a normal, if not a little boring, office building, “is MicroGen headquarters. They are a genetic laboratory that’s trying to create vaccines and treatments for Level 4 Biohazard viruses such as Marburg, Ebola, Smallpox and Hanta. At least, that’s what they want the general public to believe. We have reason to believe they have far more nefarious plans.”

She clicked a button and another picture appeared. It were covert shots of a slightly balding, much overweight white guy in a suit in various meetings and outings. “Meet Ronald Hess, MicroGen CEO. His likes in life include, but are not limited to, girls who are at least half his age and dealing in bioweapons.” Another click of the button revealed Mr. Hess having a meeting with a serious looking man, the bulge of a gun clearly showing under his jacket. “The man he’s meeting with is Abrar Ben Hadyr, one of the top members of a newly rising terrorist network. We believe MicroGen is currently working on a virus to sell to their group and has already given a demonstration of their virus in Angola earlier this year.”

There was a murmur around the table as everybody there remembered the sudden and violent outbreak that swept over the African country only 2 months ago. The CDC had dispatched several researchers but they had been stumped by the virus composition and mutation. Rumors had started within several different government agencies that it was a manufactured virus rather than a natural mutation.

Didi figured this would be the most shocking of the news, but she was proven wrong when Hill continued. “We obtained a sample of the virus from Angola and our researchers have found something within the DNA of the virus that suggests… _otherworldly_ intervention. The way the mutation was accelerated suggests an item we’ve encountered before.”

The images on the screen changed again, this time showing a strange looking metallic object. “This, is item 7PQ-985, an 0-8-4 that was extracted by SHIELD some 40 years ago. How exactly it got from our Vault into the hands of MicroGen is being looked into. Your concern lies in retrieving the item and destroying the research.”

And with those words, she marched out of the conference room, leaving none other than Agent Garret to the mission plan. Didi, blond and in her early twenties, was precisely the type a disgusting guy like Hess found _appealing_. She had a funding meeting with Hess, posing as a Doctorate student from a nearby college. Her job was to get close enough to Hess’ computer to gain remote access and keep him _distracted_ long enough for the team to find the location of the labs and the item. She would then knock out Hess and proceed to the labs to plant the explosives.

Didi could tell by the way Grant’s hand gripped hers a little tighter, that he didn’t like the idea of her being alone with Hess, let alone having to distract him. She squeezed back reassuringly, her body language telling him there was no need to worry. After all, she’d graduated with honors, ranking only 2 measly points below him.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Didi made her way out of Hess’ office feeling in deep need of a shower. Or 10. The man was an absolute _pig_ and she couldn’t for the life of her understand the appeal he had on woman her age. Money can only cover up so much, and between the ginormous fast food belly and his lecherous comments, he’d need a couple of million more to ever be attractive. No, scratch that, a couple of billion.

At least he’d been predictable enough to stare unashamed at her breasts when she leaned forward to plug the bug into his computer. After that she’d shimmied towards the sofa that was in his office and he had followed her like the dog in heat he was. It only took 2 sprays of her new ‘perfume’ to knock him out and Didi sported a satisfied smile when she heard his head hit the glass coffee table on his way down.

She pressed her ear to open the comm lines between herself, Ward and mission control. “He’s out, heading towards the third floor now.” Didi made her way out of the office and towards the private elevator. Using Hess’ key card she headed towards the floor housing the labs. She was to strategically place small packs of explosives so that the lab would be destroyed, without civilian lives being risked.

Ward was in charge of retrieving the 0-8-4 from where it was stored. Didi, despite _feeling_ dirty all over, didn’t envy the dividing of the tasks. Ward had to make his entry trough a sewer line that ran directly under the building. She preferred _feeling_ dirty over actually _being_ dirty any day of the week. When they had the item, they would make their way up to the roof, where a cloaked jet would be waiting for them.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

She had just placed all her packages in the lab when she heard a sound coming from a room across the hall. When she opened the door, she saw 2 beds, both of them covered by a plastic quarantine barrier. The people in the beds were in various states of illness, each of them bound to it. “Ward, there are people here. We need to help them.” She whispered but it wasn’t Grant’s voice that answered her.

“Are they infected?” came the clipped reply of Agent Garrett. Didi sighed, “Yes.” She knew what would follow next. “Shoot them and leave an explosive in the room. If they have a viable blood sample, all of our work will have been for nothing.”

Even though she knew, it was still hard to hear. These people were innocent. A pawn in a game played by those who were more powerful and had more money. “But sir.. we can take them with us. We can’t just kill them. They’re …”

Didi’s plea was cut off by movement in her peripheral vision. She turned around to see Ward standing in the doorway, gun raised. His eyes and face were completely devoid of emotion. “Grant… please…” she whispered, but to no avail. The coughing sound of bullets leaving a silencer sounded deafening to her and when he took out 2 packs of C4 and slid them under the beds she stopped breathing. She could feel the shock settling over her body, making it impossible to do anything except stare at the man before her. Her _boyfriend_. The boy she’d seen bloom into a respectable and kind man. The man she shared a bed and a bath and a kitchen with. She thought she saw regret flicking in his eyes, before he rushed off, towards the pick-up. 

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

She couldn’t remember how she got in the jet. She couldn’t remember how she had gotten back to the HUB. The only thing she could still remember is walking into their apartment and feeling hollow. All of his stuff was gone, leaving emptiness in its wake.

The rational part of her mind knew he’d done the right thing. The virus had no cure, and releasing those prisoners could have unleashed an epidemic throughout the entire US. The world even. He’d followed his orders when she couldn’t, not willing to risk the safety of millions to save 2 that were doomed anyway.

The other part of her mind, the one they teach Academy students to ignore, was devastated. Even though she knew it had to be done, she still couldn’t understand how he could just shoot those people without even blinking. Without pause. It was like those lives mattered less than the order he was given. The lives didn’t matter enough to even warrant some hesitation. His directive to shoot and kill was stronger than his belief that every life mattered.

* * *

 

_The Playground, Present day_

“He left for Siberia or something. Bobbi told me he’d asked for a deep cover assignment. I never saw him again until a few days ago.” Didi concludes her story and Skye’s mouth drops open. “How are you not absolutely pissed at him?! He did something like that, without even considering and then he just _left_! Not even a goodbye or anything?”

Didi smiles softly at Skye’s rant. “I was pissed. For a while. And then I realized that I was more pissed about him shooting without hesitation than I was about him leaving. We were good together for a while. We were in love. But it wasn’t _love_ love and it would have never lasted.” There’s no bitterness in Didi’s tone, she’s just stating facts. “How do you know that for sure?” Skye asks her, a little jealousy creeping in her tone. After all, the Ward/Didi relationship seemed like something out of a story and the ending felt unfinished. Didi puts a reassuring hand on Skye’s shoulder. “I know for sure, because I've felt _real_ love.” She smiles again. “And because he never switched sides for me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank God for Eedmund, because without her encouragement and editing, this chapter wouldn't exist!!


	12. Of Heroes And Villains (But It’s Not Always Clear)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skye's on the know about Wards past, at least the parts Didi was familiar with, but what's next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, you guys.. but I needed to see the first 2 episodes to get some new inspiration!  
> Enjoy!

Ward walks into the kitchen of the main complex at 3 AM that night. After all, there were still people on this base that didn’t wholly approve of him being there, and with all that was going on lately, he just wasn’t in the mood for hostile confrontations. It was like he told Jemma, if he went into the kitchen that late, chances of running into somebody would be slim.

Except, there was a light on already in the kitchen, and Ward didn’t fool himself into thinking that somebody was kind enough to leave a light on for him. So that could only mean somebody was still up, which would make it the second time in as many nights that he came across somebody. Maybe, just maybe, he should rethink his tactics.

His eyes scan the large industrial kitchen, taking in all the stainless steel appliances, the pots and pans hanging from the hooks on the walls and the giant 8 top burner sitting in the middle. He doesn’t spot her though, until he walks all the way to the back. She is sitting on one of the workbenches near the microwave, half covered in shadow. One long, _bare_ – he can’t help but notice – leg is bumping against the cabinet below, the other one bent on top of the workbench. She looks to be deep in thought, slowly sipping a cup of what smelled to be hot chocolate.

Not wanting to disturb her, crash in on her ‘me’ time, he slowly and quietly backs up again only to be stopped by her words. “You don’t have to go.” She whispers and her voice sounds weirdly smothered, like she’s been crying.

He’s not quite sure what to say, so he just stands there. If he’s completely honest with himself, crying girls – even ones he loves as much as he loves Skye – kind off freak him the hell out. He’s been taught to keep his emotions in check, that they are a weakness and as a result, he’s never known how to handle it when _others_ do show them. Other than to exploit it, of course. He can handle tears out of anger or physical pain, those are the easiest ones to fix. But those that come from a place of pain within one’s heart? Those are a little harder for him to deal with.

“Do you want some hot chocolate?” she suddenly asks him, breaking the silence around them that was starting to grow a little – okay a lot – uncomfortable. Her arm makes a motion in the general direction of the microwave. She doesn’t actually wait for him to reply, instead getting up from the counter and moving towards the carton of milk still standing beside the microwave.

“I always mix the powder thing with milk.” She starts, her voice almost sounding normal again, but he can sense she’s just randomly talking to prevent herself from crying again. “I know it’s supposed to be made with water, cause there’s already milk powder in the mix. But it just doesn’t taste the same. With milk it’s the best, only second to actual chocolate.” Her back is still turned towards him as she pours the milk in a cup and puts it in the machine to heat it up. “But there’s no actual chocolate here, I checked. Which is crazy, right? Who doesn’t have chocolate? That’s like _basic_ food, it should totally have its own space at the base of the food pyramid.”

He can hear the hysteria creeping back into her voice and assumes that it’s not actually about there being no real chocolate around. He takes a tentative step towards her. “Skye…” he says, his hand ghosting over her shoulder. He wants so badly to touch her, but scared to do it. Scared of her reaction. His hand drops back to his side.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. Just tired, no big deal.” She says, still not turning around. But Ward’s in tune with her, has been from the moment he met her and he can tell she’s so far from okay it might as well be on another continent.

He won’t push her to talk though because he knows Skye doesn’t respond well to being pushed. Also, she seems to be holding onto her last remainders of control and he thinks it wouldn’t score him points if it’s his fault she brings down the base around them. So he just moves over to the workbench and pulls himself up onto it.

The kitchen falls quiet again, the only sound the low buzzing coming from the microwave. Skye’s staring at the turning cup, almost hypnotically, and Ward takes the time to study her. She’s not wearing her sling but she’s heavily favoring her left arm so he knows she’s still in pain. Her eyes are puffy and bloodshot, a clear indication she’d been crying for a while when he walked in. His eyes travel down, noticing – not for the first time – how much muscle she’s gained since she’d started training with him. He can see the hard planes of her stomach, peeping from under the light tank she’s wearing, her arms more defined. His eyes drop lower still, lingering on the perfectly round and firm swell of her ass and her toned thighs.

The ding of the microwave startles him so bad, he nearly tumbles off the counter and he has to put a foot down to stop him from falling head first onto the kitchen tiles. A small snort coming from his right tells him she definitely noticed his less than graceful decent from the cabinet top. If it makes her smile though, he would have gladly face-planted onto the floor.

She finishes his hot chocolate and brings the cup over to him, her hip leaning against the cabinet only inches away from him. “I went to talk to Didi tonight.” She says, almost into her mug, not looking at him. His eyebrows shoot up in question, before he realizes she can’t actually see that. “You did?” he replies cautiously, not knowing if she’ll be willing to give up more information.

“I wanted… I _needed_ to understand you. Understand the reason that Didi is so confident in you. Maybe understand a little more about how you could betray us like you did.” Her voice cracks a little on that last part, and he can see her swallow back the sob he’s sure was building up inside her. “Why didn’t you come to me?” he asks her, and if his voice sounds a little accusatory, a little _hurt_ she doesn’t comment on it.

“I figured, she… she knew you better than you knew yourself. And maybe her insights could help me figure all this stuff out.” He’s not totally sure, but he thinks the _I still don’t trust you to tell the truth_ is implied in her explanation. He’s also not sure about what _stuff_ she’s referring to, but he can imagine her head’s a little jumbled up at the moment. He hops of the counter and turns to face her, this time actually putting his hand on her shoulder. He slides it across her collarbone and under her chin, so he can tip it up and make her look at him.

“I told you, that first day you came to interrogate me, that I would always tell you the truth. And I meant it. I won’t lie to you, Skye. Not anymore, never again.” He tries to put all his feelings into that statement. It’s difficult for him to do so, after spending so many years just burying all the emotions, but he knows that if he wants to get _better_ , wants to be a part of something again, he’s got to start opening up. Like Didi once said, _relationships make you strong, Grant, not weak._ He takes her left hand in his right and pulls her over to the breakfast table that’s just off the side of the kitchen.

“So… what did she tell you?” he asks her as soon as they’re seated. A small smile ghosts across her face. “She told me that when she met you, you were sort of like you were when I first met you. All robot-y and stoic. An agent instead of an actual _person_. And that you insisted on calling her ‘Carol’ for the first couple of weeks.”

Ward thinks back to when it was he first met Didi. “It was in… ’02 I think? Tactical Assessment or something equally boring. All papers and theory… I think it took me at least a month before I was able to form coherent sentences around her. She was so… optimistic and _light_ , I had never met anybody like that before. And I was… scared maybe? Intrigued for sure. But I’d been taught to push people away. I tried to distance myself from her, which she was absolutely making impossible. She’s like a dog with a bone, if she’s focused on something, there’s no way you can deter her from it. It’s not a bad quality in a Specialist but it’s kind of annoying if she turns that focus on you.”

He looks up to see Skye looking at him with open interest. It made him feel a little exposed, but given the fact that she was actually _here_ wanting to know about him, he wasn’t about to complain.

“She was so totally opposite of me but I think that’s what attracted me to her.” He says this carefully, not wanting to put too much emphasis on their relationship. God forbid Skye would think he still had a thing for Didi. Her face remains curious though, so he can only assume that Didi’s told her about it.

“When she pulled me into that ridiculous group of friends… it was like my world suddenly became twice as big. I’d only ever been around people who were dark and twisted, or by myself, and I never even imagined there were people like _them_. Especially not in a place like the Academy.” He pauses for a minute, trying to get his memories in order again.

“Did you know she had to _tell_ me I had friends? I was that far gone, that I didn’t even notice I made friends, until she pointed it out to me. I hadn’t even _imagined_ I could make friends, that people would actually _like_ me. But for some reason they did. And I let myself get pulled in by them. Until I was in way over my head.” He pauses again, this time not to sort through his memories, but to make sense of the things that came after. Now that he looks back on it, what he had with Didi and the rest of them, was so much like what he’d had on the Bus, and he had made the exact same decision. Putting a guy like Garrett ahead of having a family. It all seemed so stupid and reckless to him right now. But back then, his loyalty had been split and Garrett had the first pick.

A soft hand over his shakes him out of his spiral and he looks up to see Skye looking at him. For a second he thinks it’s pity in her eyes, but after a moment he realizes it’s _compassion_ , and those two things are nothing alike.

“It was all fine as long as I was at the Academy. Garrett didn’t bother checking up on me then. But when we got to our probation, he noticed the change. And he came down on me, hard. It’s actually a good thing we were Specialists, both frequently sporting bruises and cuts. Garrett had a special way of reclaiming loyalty and he was more the ‘punish’ type of teacher than the ‘reward’ kind. The mission… it was a test. Would I hesitate, or just follow his orders without question? The fact that he’d actually threatened Didi… I did what I needed to do to protect those I cared about. And just like what happened with Fitz and Simmons, I hurt them in order to save them. But each time I did, each time I followed Garrett, a piece of my soul chipped off. And now… there’s a big box in my mind, where I keep all my _shoulda-woulda-coulda’s._ ”

He hadn’t noticed he’d started to cry, until her hand comes up to his face to wipe at the tear rolling down his cheek. It was a weird sensation still, crying. He’d gone years and years without it, but lately the floodgates had started to open, and once he starts, it’s almost impossible to stop.

“There’s… - I _wish_ …. – The only thing I can do now, is try to piece it back together.” He finally chokes out. Skye moves out of her chair, and for a split second he thinks she’s just going to walk away. Leave him and his broken pieces. But she walks over to him and wraps her arms tightly around his neck, putting her head on his shoulder. The sense of comfort he gets from that is so overwhelming, another tear falls from his eye. She pulls back a little, pressing her lips to the tear on his cheek. “I’d say you’re off to a good start.” She says softly.

* * *

* * *

 

Tripp shoots up from his bed with a start. He looks around the room, taking in his surroundings, only letting himself relax when he spots the gray eagle etched into the glass door to his room. He keeps having these nightmares, about Raina and his captivity; but they _feel_ so real. He’s not even sure they’re _just_ dreams. Something about them, makes him think they’re memories. But no matter how much he tries, he can’t get them to make sense. It’s mostly just flashes, images of Raina, needles, foreign metal and some weird mist, but he can’t find a coherent way to string them together. It’s like looking at the water through a dirty glass.

He drops his head back down onto his pillow, taking deep and steadying breaths. No sense in having his heart rate spike because that would rush Jemma into his room in a matter of minutes. She deserves a good night sleep and he could tell from the last time he’d seen her that she’s not getting any.

He wills himself to sift through the images, one by one. Trying to find something, _anything_ that makes sense. Anything that could help his team find and _stop_ Raina from whatever she’s planning. He knows there’s something in his head that could help them. Something about… - Something to do with… - If he could only just reach the memory…

After a moment, something shifts in his mind, connecting the metal and the mist he’d seen at the facility with another place he’d spotted the weird combination. He sits up again and rips out all of his IV’s. He turns in the bed so his feet are dangling off the side and drops down onto them. He stays still for a moment, trying to feel if his legs would hold his weight. When he’s confident enough, he makes his way out of his room and towards the elevators. He needs to get to Coulson, and fast. If what he remembers is true, there’s no time to waste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, special thanks goes out to Eedmund, for all the editing excellence... And for keeping me motivated...
> 
> Also, I'd like to state for the record, that 'Videmus' is a way better name for an eyeless dude... just sayin'

**Author's Note:**

> I would absolutely love your comments and ideas, so please  
> be kind and leave me a note :)


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